Castiel's Love
by AnimeOtaku4444
Summary: Famine is back, and thoroughly pissed off. That would be just fine though, if Cas was still only hungry for red meat. The problem is, he's not. Still, this might just wind up working to his advantage. Set post Apocalypse. Destiel, M for detailed slash and swearing, Mpreg, and a few drops of angst. I'll probably add some Sabriel in later chapters. Don't like, don't read.
1. Castiel's Hunger

**AN: Hello everyone! This isn't my first fanfiction, but it_ is_ my first Destiel. I've never actually watched the show, aside from accidentally catching an episode here or there, but I met the fandom on Tumblr, and fell in love with this pairing, so I couldn't help but get mauled by plot bunnies. Please R&R, I'd really love to know what you think. Oh, and please keep the summary's warnings in mind. Don't like, don't read. **

**For those of you who are reading my other stories, I just wanted to say this: 'Tea of Fate' is on a temporary hiatus whilst I battle a combination of writer's block, homework, plot bunnies for unrelated stories, and ADD. I love this story far too much to abandon it though, and I've been having an idea or two for it lately, so please do not despair, and have patience with me. I am genuinely sorry for the delay.**

**As for 'The Case of The Youngest Holmes', I haven't written anything new for it in a little while, but I have the next few chapters typed up and ready to post, so hopefully I'll be able to think up new plot bunnies for this story before my stockpile runs out, and it won't need to wind up going on hiatus like ToF. I'll let you know.**

**PS, I own nothing except my sunny feels for Destiel. ^.^**

***Who is _your_ favourite angel from Supernatural?***

The Apocalypse was over. Weeks had turned to months as Castiel, Bobby, and the brothers Winchester scrambled and fought to lock Lucifer in Hell once more. They often failed, and sometimes they died. But, in the end, everything got sorted out. Sam trapped Lucifer and Michael, came back soulless, got his soul restored, went insane, and got healed by Cas. Castiel went on a power trip, got his vessel stolen by Leviathans, broke Sam, lost his memory, got it back, fixed Sam, went insane, wound up in Purgatory, and got brought back again, no longer crazy. Dean… Well, Dean had just done his best to keep up.

He'd tried having a normal life, with Lisa and Ben, but then Sam had come back, and Castiel had been all over the place, running around with Crowley. Then they'd been stuck in Purgatory, and gotten separated, and it had taken everything Dean had to get Castiel to the exit, only to end up leaving him there. Castiel had stayed behind, wanting to pay penance for his sins, but for the longest time Dean had remembered it differently, and thought that it had been his fault. Things had finally settled down. Lucifer was out of the way, Crowley and Raphael were dead, Cas had brought Bobby back.

Anna, of all angels, had taken over running Heaven in Michael's place. She'd been the one to take pity on Castiel, forgiving him and sending a Garrison to rescue him from Purgatory. Gabriel had shown up a few weeks later, revealing that Lucifer hadn't really killed him, but merely hallucinated doing so. His Trickster abilities had saved him once more. The surprising thing was that he'd insisted on joining their Hunting party. The rest of them, Sam, Dean, Bobby, and Cas, were battered and tired, but alive and intact. For the moment, there were no monsters for them to hunt, and they were all just hanging out at Bobby's house until trouble popped up.

What Cas still hadn't told Dean was that one of the reasons he'd chosen to stay in Purgatory was because being around Dean had gotten too much for him to bare. After everything he'd done, especially to Sam, he didn't think he deserved to be in Dean's presence anymore. Also, he'd been hoping to get over his feelings for the Hunter while he battled for his life against the Leviathans. Only, his plan had failed. The moment he'd set eyes on Dean again, all of the love and the agony which accompanied it had come flooding back, and felt all the stronger for having been bottled up for all of those months.

He was strongly considering returning to Heaven, and begging Anna to turn him back into a 'hammer', as Dean would put it. At least that way he wouldn't have to deal with having such powerful emotions anymore. But Anna would never agree to it, she was still technically fallen herself, even though she had her Grace back. Besides, even if he was able to convince her, Dean would be disappointed in him, and he didn't think he could handle that, even as a 'hammer'. He'd already fallen for the human once. There was nothing to say he wouldn't fall for him again. His soul still shone just as beautifully as it ever did, despite everything he'd been through over the years.

The horsemen had gotten their rings back, and none of them were too happy with the brothers. Famine in particular had decided to go for a Grudge Match, sending an entire city into a frenzy to draw out the gang. It had worked, of course. There was no way they could just ignore what he was doing. It wasn't going too well for them though. For one thing, Castiel had disappeared after just one day in the effected city, and Dean hadn't seen him again for two whole weeks. He was ready to admit that he was very worried about the angel. Full mojo or not, the horsemen could still fuck with his vessel.

Dean's pacing came to an abrupt halt as Gabriel manifested in front of him. His momentum almost carried him right past the short angel, but he managed to stop himself. It wasn't hard, considering that the look on the angel's face had frozen the blood in his veins. He swallowed the lump in his throat before asking, instinctively dreading the answer. "Where's Cas?" Gabriel stared hard at Dean, as though he were measuring the human's worthiness, his jaw clenched with displeasure. Finally he spoke. "There's something you need to see." He didn't give the Hunter time to respond, just flew them both to just outside of the door to Bobby's panic room.

Gabriel gave Dean barely a second to re-orient himself before continuing. "You know what Cassie said about Famine not affecting angels? Well, he was wrong. It just takes more effort with us. He was so scared of what he might do, that he drew out a circle of sigils in holy oil, and voluntarily lay down on it. He even included sigils for silence, so nobody would hear him screaming and release him before his hunger had abated, but even that wasn't enough to stop all of the sounds. Those screams you can hear are his. Only a human can pull him out of there, or I would have done it myself already." Dean stared wide-eyed at the door, horrified.

Sure enough, he could hear Castiel's gruff tones rasping out a hoarse scream. It sounded like Dean's name. "What the hell is he hungering for to do something like this?" He turned back to Gabriel when he didn't receive an answer, but there was nobody there. Gabriel had left already. He gulped nervously, but he opened the door. Sure enough, Castiel lay on the floor. His trenchcoat, suit jacket and tie were all bunched up in a corner of the room, and the angel's shirt was unbuttoned, hanging open to reveal his lean chest, flushed with arousal. His trousers were unbuttoned and unzipped as well, Castiel's boxers visible between the flaps. Sweat poured down the angel's face, shaking side to side, his whole body trembling.

He looked half delirious. His body lay spread-eagled, writhing, but frozen in place as though his wrists and ankles were manacled to the floor. His boxers were tented by an obvious erection, one which looked swollen and painful. That explained why Castiel had gone to such lengths to seal himself. He was hungering for sex, and if he'd been loose, he might not be able to keep himself from attacking someone. Well, this was awkward. He wanted nothing more than to release Castiel, and spare him his suffering, but how to do that without getting raped? Hmmm… Perhaps if he were to call a prostitute or ten, to sate Castiel's lust first? Would that work?

Castiel whimpered, and opened his eyes for the first time since Dean had entered the room. His blue eyes were clouded with pain. The sight of them made Dean wince. "Dean, are you real? I can't tell anymore." Dean's heart clenched with sympathy in his chest. "Yes, I'm real. Gabriel showed me where to find you. How bad does it hurt, Cas?" At the sound of Dean's voice saying his name, the angel gasped loudly, and let out an unearthly moan. "Deeeeeeeeeeeeeean! You have to get out of here! My body's on fire!" His entire body shuddered as another wave of lust crashed over him, and the air near his shoulders shivered as his wings tried unsuccessfully to free themselves.

He whimpered again, even more piteously than before. The pain was almost unbearable; he would lose his mind soon. Dean swallowed thickly. He'd never seen Cas suffering so much before, and he absolutely hated it. He had to do something, fast. "What can I do to make it better? Would it help if I called some prostitutes?" Castiel shook his head, crying now from the pain. "It can't just be anyone. I'm only hungry for you, Dean!" Dean froze. Had he just heard Cas right? Suddenly it felt like a large amphibian had taken up residence in his throat. He tried to swallow four times before it worked. When he felt like he could talk again, he croaked out the first question which came to mind. "Why me?"

Castiel closed his eyes again before he replied, and answered through gritted teeth. "Because you're the one I'm in love with." The sigil for silence flared beneath his back, singeing him. He screamed in agony, without making an actual sound. Dean couldn't take it anymore. He didn't care what Cas did to him, he couldn't just stand there while Castiel was being tortured. If he really was the only one who could ease his pain, then he'd just have to put up with it. Castiel had done far scarier, far more dangerous things for Dean's sake in the past. He moved to stand behind Castiel's head, gripped his arms, and dragged him off of the oil markings. Cas was too exhausted to try stopping him, he just hung limply in Dean's hands, resigned.

Dean took off his plaid button-up shirt, and used it to wipe all remaining traces of holy oil from the angel's skin. As his Grace, no longer bound, came flooding back to the surface, his wings burst forth unbidden. He turned his head away in shame. In Heaven he'd often been mocked for the colour of his wings. He was the only angel in existence who had raven feathers. He hated showing them to anybody, but he just didn't have the strength to confine them to his Grace anymore. Besides, this wasn't Dean's first time seeing them. When Dean had refused to believe that Castiel was an angel, when he woke up after being raised from Hell, Castiel had shown him his wings as evidence.

Well, as evidence and as a way to intimidate him into being more respectful of God. He still regretted that. The point was, Dean already knew how ugly he was. Hadn't the human stared at these black wings in horror that time? It had been enough to make Castiel want to run away to Heaven and never return, but after a few weeks he'd just missed Dean too much to stay away any longer. He'd returned, expecting Dean to sneer and mock him as his own brothers did, but he hadn't. The Hunter had been mysteriously nonchalant about it. In the end, Castiel had decided that Dean must not know how unique the colour of his wings was.

Castiel was startled from his thoughts when a callused hand reverently stroked the broad edge of his left wing. He flinched at the strange sensation. Dean had shifted so that Cas was resting on his side, with his head and shoulders on Dean's lap, and the older Winchester had started gently petting his wings. He was staring at them in fascination. "Cas, I wish you'd always leave your wings out. Has anybody ever told you how beautiful they are?" Castiel's eyes widened in shock at the words. "Beautiful? Weren't you horrified when you saw them?" Dean's face contorted, but ironically Castiel didn't recognize the pitying, affectionate expression.

"That wasn't horror, Cas. That was _awe_ you saw on my face. I couldn't believe how beautiful you were. You took my breath away." Castiel tilted his head in genuine confusion. "My wings are the only ones in Heaven which are black. They are ugly and disgraceful." Dean glared fiercely at him. "Who told you that?" Castiel grimaced at the memories. "Everyone did, from the day I was made. Even Gabriel used to joke about it, before he left Heaven." Dean had never wished Hell on an angel before, but damn if he didn't wish it on every last one of them but Cas right now. "Sammy told me that the colour of an angel's wings reflects their character. Is that true?"

Castiel just nodded, not understanding where Dean was going with this. "Well then, the way I see it is, you're the only one with black wings because you have more compassion and faith in humanity than all the other angels put together." Castiel still looked confused, his eyebrows all scrunched up. Dean didn't even realize it when his hand moved to the angel's face, smoothing out the deep creases. It felt natural, somehow. Castiel relaxed into his touch, and waited for him to explain. "Sometimes, caring that much means you also feel the pain of grief and disappointment much more than any of the other angels. I'm sure your pain would be enough to turn anyone's feathers black."

Castiel's eyes widened, and his breath stuttered. Could Dean be right about him? Dean wasn't finished talking though, so he quieted his thoughts and concentrated on listening. Dean smiled at him, pride shining in his eyes. "They probably know it, too. I bet they were only making you feel bad about your wings because they were embarrassed. Seeing your wings must have made them feel guilty about being such cold, conceited assholes. They must have wanted you to be more like them, but you're not. You're kind, Cas, right down to your core. I bet it's what makes your Grace shine so brightly. You should be damn proud of it, because that's why you're so damn wonderful."

Castiel shakily let out the breath he'd been holding. He wasn't sure if Dean was right or not, but either way, that was how _Dean_ saw his black wings. How could he possibly want anything more than that? He smiled brightly at his human, warmth exploding in his chest. But then, almost all of that warmth was sucked down into his groin. He gasped at the sudden shift, and whimpered at the pain when his aching cock throbbed. Castiel lifted his face to look at Dean, not even noticing the pain in the human's face. He didn't realise that he'd shifted so that he was now on his knees in front of Dean, or that he was gripping Dean's arms hard enough to leave very large bruises.

His strength had returned, and now all he could feel was his _need_. Dean seemed to understand, but he didn't shy away. Blushing bright red, he kissed Castiel's forehead. He was giving the angel his permission to do whatever he needed to do. Castiel shuddered, and squirmed against him, whimpering pitifully. "Dean, I don't know what to do. How do I make the fire go away?" Oh crap! Dean had forgotten that Cas was a virgin. It wouldn't be enough to just let him do what he wanted. He'd have to be _taught how to do that_. Well, this wouldn't be awkward. Oh no, not at all. He decided that the quickest way to settle this would be to just get Castiel off, and pretend that he was only touching himself.

He carefully pushed the angel's slacks and boxers down, freeing his large, purple erection. Dean winced at the dark colour. Castiel's erection had to be killing him. It couldn't be healthy. He didn't hesitate when he wrapped his large hand around the straining cock, ignoring the way Cas screamed and arched his back, pressing into his hand. His hips started thrusting to match Dean's rhythm, and the human's breath caught in his throat. "Cas…" The name was whispered so quietly, so reverently, that the angel almost thought he'd imagined it. Nevertheless, it hit him like a punch to his guts.

Despite having no personal experience with physical intimacy, he'd been watching over humanity for millennia. He wasn't completely clueless. He surged forward to mash his lips clumsily against Dean's, flicking his tongue out to taste the soft flesh, and nuzzling lovingly against his cheek. It was Dean's turn to shudder, having never felt the rough, heady pleasure of stubble scratching his face before. He moaned, low and primal, and then Castiel was flat on his back, Dean raining hasty kisses from above all over his face and jaw, then moving further down and ravishing his neck. Dean moved his hand away, instead settling his hips between Castiel's legs and grinding down.

They both groaned at the delicious friction, but it wasn't enough. Castiel's hands fumbled with Dean's fly, struggling with the zipper until he had to just give up and tug the offending clothes down while they were still buttoned. Dean grunted at the rough treatment, but he didn't complain. He could take it. Besides, now they were skin to skin, and some light bruises on his hips were more than worth it. He kicked off his shoes and pants, and pulled his undershirt over his head, tossing it into the corner where Castiel's trenchcoat lay. Now they were both completely naked. They rutted enthusiastically, and it was only a minute or two before Castiel finally found release.

Dean sat back, surprised at how little time it had taken, and trying to hide the fact that he felt disappointed. He _couldn't _hide how shocked he was that he was disappointed. When the hell had he gotten his own erection? But luckily for him, Cas was feeling too blissful to notice. Dean turned away, ignoring his discomfort and reaching for his jeans, but he stopped when he felt the angel gripping his wrist. "Dean…" There was pleading in his voice, and apology, and a bit of fear. Dean raised an eyebrow at him, confused. "I'm still really hungry. I need more of you." Dean's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, before the realisation of what Cas meant hit him like a sledgehammer. "You want me to…?"

Castiel looked away, embarrassed. "I don't know what I want you to do. I just _need_ you to do _something_. It still feels like my skin is on fire." Dean relented, draping his body languidly on top of the angel until they were pressed together chest to toe. Although he was much heavier than the shorter man, Dean didn't have to worry about squashing Cas. Angels probably didn't even really need to breathe. He kissed Castiel again, slowly this time, reassuringly. It was okay that Cas still needed him. It wasn't his fault, he wouldn't hold it against him. After a few minutes he moved down, kissing his lean chest, licking off the spots of cum he found there, and nibbling gently at his dusky nipples.

Dean was no longer naïve enough to think that all he'd have to do was get Castiel off. He realized now that they'd have to go all the way, and have actual sex. It was most likely the only way to break Famine's spell. This was still Castiel's first time though, so Dean was going to make it as good as possible. Cas had earned it. When he kept moving further down, and inevitably came to Castiel's revived erection, Dean forced himself not to think too hard about it, and took Cas into his mouth. He wasn't too sure what two guys were supposed to do together, but he watched enough TV to have a general idea.

He moved his face away just long enough to spit into his hand, spreading the saliva all over his fingers before moving them down to Castiel's entrance. Whilst the angel was distracted, Dean carefully prepared him, praying he was doing it right. Cas laughed, a sudden, surprising bark of a sound. "You do remember who it is that receives your prayers, don't you Dean? Don't worry about a thing, you are definitely doing it right!" Dean glared at him, embarrassed beyond words, and prodded petulantly inside Castiel's ass. The angel arched up again as his prostate was assaulted, wracked with pleasure. "Dean! Do that again!"

It was a few minutes more before Castiel was ready for Dean, and by then he'd already cum a second time, down the back of Dean's throat. He'd taken his human by surprise, but Dean had still managed to swallow most of it. What little had escaped to dribble down his chin was eagerly lapped up by Cas as they started making out again. As Dean educated the angel about the best ways to use his tongue, he aligned himself with Castiel's entrance, and slowly pushed in. Cas moaned, low and gravelly, and Dean had to stop and concentrate on his breathing for a minute. He'd almost lost control at the sound.

After a couple of seconds, Cas grew impatient and rolled his hips forcefully. Dean let out a strangled cry, and started thrusting, slow but deep. His whole body was rocking with the motion, he was using much less self-control than he would have with a woman. Cas was anything but fragile, and the angel was enjoying it judging by the sounds he was making, so Dean wasn't worried. Suddenly he found himself on his back, the breath knocked from his lungs, and Castiel sat straddling his hips. "Too slow!" Dean blinked up at him, eyes wide with shock, but they slammed shut when Cas lifted himself up and right back down, impaling himself gleefully on Dean's erection.

Castiel rode him fast and hard, demonstrating just how much more stamina he had than a human. In the haze of his bliss, a thought floated up into the forefront of Castiel's mind, a thought which absolutely floored him. It felt like it was binding his lungs with steel cables. Dean wasn't doing this because he loved Castiel in the same way that Cas loved the Hunter. He was doing this for Castiel out of pity, a sense of obligation, and compassion. He didn't want Castiel to be in pain, because he cared about the angel, but he didn't _love_ him. New images flashed through his head, images of a life lived with a Dean who loved him.

Cuddling on a couch together, Dean trying to explain the movie they're watching to Cas, eventually giving up and making out with him. The two of them spending Christmas with Bobby and Sam, and perhaps Gabriel as well, but spending the entire day blissfully ignoring everyone but each other. Dean lovingly stroking the angel's swollen belly, kissing the skin which was stretched over their child. Holding a dark-haired, green-eyed toddler in his arms. A large, American Dream sort of house, not far from Bobby's place, with a picket fence and a huge yard, and maybe a dog running around, and the two of them playing soccer with their son, while their daughter sits on the porch, reading fairytales.

He could hear her sweet little giggles, and imagines himself dramatically pretending to trip over the ball into a patch of mud, just to hear her laughter. Castiel's heart ached, because none of those memories would ever be real. He would never have any of them, and he _wanted_ them. He wanted them so much that it was painful, and he was never going to get any of them, because Dean didn't love him. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes as his hips stuttered. Dean had started stroking him, matching his rhythm, and he was on the brink of release. Dean moaned out his name, and it was too much. He came hard, white spots dancing in his vision, his whole body rigid and straining.

Dean joined him a second later, cumming with a scream of both pain and pleasure. Castiel's ass was gripping him a little too tightly; he was going to get bruises. It didn't matter though. The Hunter still thought that the bruises were worth this level of ecstasy. He was too blissed out to see Castiel quickly wipe the tears from his face before they fell asleep together on the cold, hard floor.


	2. Castiel's Colours

By the end of the week, Famine had been defeated, and his ring not just collected, but destroyed. Dean and Castiel had gone back to the way they'd always been, except for a few small differences. Cas didn't invade the Hunter's personal space anymore, and when Cas popped into the room, Dean flinched involuntarily. Also, Dean never allowed the two of them to be alone together. The worst thing was, Dean didn't smile at him anymore, not genuinely. They were all small things, but together they were enough to make Castiel curse Famine with every fibre of his being, and wish that God had never made him. The ache in his chest was as familiar to him as his own Grace now, it never abated, and he never forgot that it was there.

Everything changed abruptly on their next hunt. They'd been ganking a coven of witches, and one of them had thrown a hex at Cas. It had messed with the control he had over his Grace, and his wings had slipped out. It was only for a few moments, before Dean killed the witch and the spell was broken, but that was all it took. The second they got back to the crummy motel they'd been staying in, Dean confronted him. Sam took one look at the pair of them before making a half-assed attempt at an excuse and high-tailing it out of there, dragging Gabriel and Bobby along with him on his way out. "Cas, what the fuck happened to your wings?"

Castiel just looked blankly back at him. Honestly, he had no idea what Dean was referring to. It wasn't like he regularly inspected them, he hadn't been aware that there was any change in his wings. "Is something different about them, Dean?" The Hunter snorted derisively at him. "Is something different? I'd fucking say so! They're not pure black anymore!" Castiel's eyes widened in surprise. He'd never heard of an angel's wings changing colour before. "What do you mean? What colour are they now?" Dean clenched his teeth in anger and confusion. "They've gone _blue_, Cas. Blue-black, like the night sky when there's a fucking quarter moon!"

Castiel stiffened as realisation hit him. His sadness and despair had tainted his wings, and Dean knew it. "I'm not an expert, but even _I _can guess what the colour _blue_ is supposed to mean! What the hell happened? Why haven't you said anything?" Cas just sighed, his shoulders sagging. He was so damn tired of _everything_. He didn't want to care anymore, but damn him if he didn't. "There's nothing you could have done, Dean. There's nothing _anybody_ could have done. It was inevitable. Caring about everything the way I do, it isn't just painful. Sometimes it's heartbreaking. The only way to change that would be to stop being myself, and that's no way to go about fixing things. _You_ taught me that."

Dean's face contorted, but Cas didn't recognise the expression. "There's got to be _something_! There's _always_ something!" Castiel just shook his head, smiling brokenly. "Not this time, Dean. You can't save everyone, my friend, though you try. I thought I'd taught you that already." Dean looked ready to either scream or cry, and Cas knew he didn't cry easily. "No! I can't accept that! There _has_ to be some way to fix this!" Cas was still smiling at him, although his blue eyes were watering with unshed tears. "There's only one way to fix it, but it's never going to happen. It's time I accepted that. It's okay, Dean. It's not your fault. You still think my wings are beautiful, don't you?"

Dean stared at him, horrified. "Are you fucking kidding me? Cas, how can I look at your wings now without wishing that the Apocalypse had been successful and killed us all? No angel's wings should ever be any shade of _blue_. Any heart in the world would break at the sight of them." Castiel furrowed his brow, looking at Dean with worry. "Are you saying that my wings have broken your heart, Dean? How could they possibly do that?" Dean shook his head, incredulous. "Cas, how could they not? Do you think I like seeing you in pain? I've always hated it, but I always thought that you were strong enough to handle it, and you had your good days. But now… How could this happen? What broke you, Cas?"

Castiel turned away from the Hunter, staring out of the window. He refused to hide it anymore. "I fell in love, Dean. I fell deeply, desperately, painfully in love. It was unrequited, doomed from the beginning really. I should have known better, but it seems that the human population in general is correct when they say that you can't choose who you fall in love with. I was just unlucky, I guess." Dean looked utterly bewildered. "You fell in love with someone, and they didn't love you back? Who the hell is that stupid? Were they some kind of blind, deaf, brain-dead moron?"

Castiel snorted uncharacteristically. "No, they weren't physically or intellectually challenged. They were male, and heterosexual. They cared about me, but not in the same way that I cared for them. That was what made it so painful, really, being so close, and yet so far. That's the correct expression, isn't it? I even told him the truth, once, but I don't think he really heard me. If he did, he never mentioned it." There was an ominous silence, and Cas worriedly turned back to Dean. The Hunter was gaping at him, shocked speechless. Cas blushed, and looked away again. "_Gay_? You, an angel of the freaking Lord, are _gay_? God made a _gay_ angel?" Castiel sighed, squeezing his eyes shut again. This was a bad idea.

"Angels don't have genders, Dean, only their vessels do. Then again, perhaps my vessel being male says something about me. All I know is that so far, I've never fallen in love with a woman." Dean looked like he'd just been told that pigs had learned how to fly, or that his baby brother Sammy was actually a Wendigo. Cas gave him a couple of minutes to think things over and get used to the idea. Eventually, Dean squirmed uncomfortably, but forced himself to say what he was thinking anyway. "Even if the guy was straight, I'm a little surprised he didn't… I don't know… turn bi for you. You're an amazing guy, Cas. You deserve to be with the person you love, no matter who that is."

Cas _did _start crying then. Thin streaks of shining saline moved silently down his cheeks. "Could_ you _do it, if it was _you_? Could _you_ turn bi for me?" Dean blushed bright red, and spluttered. "I thought we weren't mentioning that! Damn it Cas, you already know what I did! Or did you think that I always go around fucking guys?" Castiel shook his head sadly. "Fucking someone and making love with someone are two very different things, Dean. I already know that you'd be willing to have sex with me, if I really needed that of you. That's not what I'm asking."

Dean was still blushing, and shifting nervously from side to side. "Well, what are you asking then?" Castiel watched him carefully for his reaction to his next words. "I'm asking you if you could fall in love with me, Dean, if you could love me so much that you might someday want to marry me, and have a family with me. That's what being bisexual or homosexual really means. That's what I want from the man I'm in love with, what he couldn't give me." Dean thought about that for a minute, then shrugged. "I don't think being married to you would be a bad thing. Raising a family with you could be good, too. I meant it when I said that you're a good guy, Cas."

Castiel took in a sharp breath, and opened his mouth to try to say something, but the words died on his lips. It felt like he had an amphibian lodged in his throat. Dean wasn't finished, though. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you're not perfect. You're totally weird and frustrating, and lacking in all of the most basic social skills. Not to mention the fact that your Daddy issues were a freaking nightmare. But you're also really adorable when you don't get references, and most of the time it's actually endearing when you take phrases so literally. If I'm being totally honest, you're also incredibly sexy. I think that this guy you love would be really lucky to have you, Cas. Maybe if you give him a little more time, he'll be able to see that too."

Castiel couldn't take it anymore. He strode forward, gripped Dean's face, and kissed him hard on the lips. "It was _you_, Dean. It was _always_ you." Dean gasped, and stiffened in surprise, before grabbing the front of Castiel's trenchcoat and pulling the angel closer, kissing him back enthusiastically. Castiel moaned into the Hunter's mouth, relief and happiness surging through him, completely overwhelming him. He was crying again, but for a completely different reason this time. From the very day he'd been made, he'd never once been this happy before.

They both jumped when they heard a noise outside. It was the Impala, Sam and Bobby were back, probably Gabe too. Dean shot Cas a conflicted glance, biting his lip anxiously. Castiel's face fell, his stomach twisting. "It's alright, Dean. You don't have to…" But Dean hurriedly cut him off. "No, Cas, it's not like that! I'm just not sure how to tell Sammy and Bobby, and until they know, I really don't want them hearing it from Gabe. I don't want to hide us from my family, but... Just, give me some time to think about what to say to them, okay? Until then, we can still be… together. I love you, Cas."

Castiel's eyes widened, and his wings slipped from his Grace for the second time that day. They were no longer blue-black. They weren't their original pure black again, either. Each individual feather started out with a dusky shade of red, which slowly bled into pink, then a warm orange, and then a bright, sunny yellow. It was as though each feather was a miniature sunset. They were the most beautiful things Dean had ever seen, far more beautiful than the pure black wings had been. He could place every colour; red for passion, pink for honest love, orange for contentment, and yellow for pure joy. Dean couldn't help but swoop in for one last quick kiss, before turning to face the door to their room. He sensed Cas disappear.

The angel was still too giddy to get his wings back into his Grace in time, so he'd left. If Gabriel saw his sunset-coloured wings now, the jig would officially be up. Sam and Bobby subtly looked around the room when they didn't see Cas there, then gave each other a contemplative glance which Dean missed, but they both just nodded, mutually agreeing not to say anything. Sam would question Cas when he got back, and Bobby would talk to Dean the next time the two were alone together, and when they'd both had their conversations, they'd compare notes. Gabe didn't even seem to notice that his brother wasn't there.

~X~

The next time they saw Cas was nine days later. Dean was worried, he'd tried calling the angel at least a dozen times every day, to no avail. When he finally showed up, he looked a bit pale and unsteady, but refused to tell any of them why. Dean had tried to insist that he stay behind on the hunt, but it was a particularly tricky one. Castiel had outright refused, insisting that he was fine. They'd been after a large nest of vampires. With all of the trouble over the Apocalypse and the angelic civil war, infestations of minor nasties had gone relatively ignored, and they'd made full use of the chance to multiply.

Two minutes into the fight, a petite female vampire had almost gotten in a lucky shot, coming within inches of stabbing Cas in his stomach. Not that her ordinary blade could have hurt him, of course, but she didn't know that yet. What happened then shocked everybody. Cas had recoiled, shouting 'No!' in the overwhelming voice of his true form, making the three humans' ears ring. His blinding Grace had flooded the building, instantly smiting all of the nasties. Dean and Bobby had managed to close their eyes just in time, and Gabriel had thrown his right hand over Sam's eyes the instant he'd sensed what was about to happen. When the light had faded, everyone turned to stare at Cas.

He'd fallen on his knees, trembling, pale and sweating. One arm was thrust out defensively in front of him, the other curled protectively around his stomach. His eyes were wide and unfocused, his pupils dilated. What really drew their attention though were his wings. They were out again, but gone were their colourful sunset hues. They were a sickly shade of grey, with the flight feathers dipped in a shade of yellow which could only be described as 'bile'. These were the colours of sheer, blinding _terror_. Dean shuddered, feeling a bit sick himself at the sight. Before anybody could say a word, Castiel disappeared.

Dean glared at the spot where he'd been. Not caring who heard him, he shouted at thin air. "Damn it Cas! If you don't either get back here right this second, or beam me up to wherever you're hiding, I'll hunt you down and kick your ass!" The next moment he found himself in the upper reaches of a gigantic Red Maple tree, where several large branches formed a natural hollow at their base, like a giant nest. It was filled with shredded leaves, papery flakes of bark, and dry grass. It looked incredibly soft. In the middle of the nest, Castiel was sitting huddled up, his knees held tightly to his chest, and his wings folded around his body. He wasn't rocking back and forth, or whimpering, but he was still shaking.

Dean carefully made his way over to the angel, and knelt in front of him. "Cas? Cas, look at me." Castiel lifted his face to look at the Hunter, his expression tormented. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…" Dean frowned at him, not sure what he meant. Was he upset because he'd lost control of his Grace and almost blinded him? "It's okay, Cas. No harm, no foul. Sam and Bobby, they're both okay too. What happened back there? You've never lost control of your Grace before, even when you got injured." But Castiel couldn't talk anymore. He was shaking his head, and tears were sliding down his scrunched up face. His breathing was shallow and ragged.

Dean pulled the angel into his arms, and Cas clung to him desperately as he sobbed. "That's not… what I was talking… about." Dean rubbed his back soothingly, even more confused. If that wasn't it, what else could it be? "Before, when Famine… and then, when you were helping me… I'd already loved you… for a long time… but then I _had_ you… only, I didn't, because you were just… trying to ease my suffering… You didn't love me… in the same way as I loved you… and it hurt so much, I… thought I'd die from the pain… It was even worse than… the hunger I'd felt…"

Dean winced. He'd had no idea that Castiel had felt that way about him, not at the time. It filled him with warmth to know just how much Cas loved him, and he found himself feeling very glad that the two of them had wound up being together romantically. Cas took a deep breath, and continued his explanation, his sobs slowly becoming more wrenching. "I wanted to be… a couple with you, Dean, to… have a home and a family with you… I could see it… in my mind, and it was… so perfect, so beautiful… But I didn't mean to, I swear it! I… didn't even know… what I'd done…"

Dean tightened his hold on the trembling angel, caressing his hair and back, trying to calm him down. "Whatever it was, it can't be _that_ bad. It's okay, Cas." Castiel shook his head, vehemently disagreeing. "It _is_ that bad! An hour after I… left the hotel room, I started… getting sick. That was… the first time I realised… what had happened… I could feel the change… in my body, and in my Grace… It was so subtle that… I'd missed it until then… but it was undeniable… I thought about… undoing it… making it like it had… never happened… but I just _couldn't_… I already loved… _too much_…"

Castiel's wretched sobs became choking, and he lost his ability to talk. Now Dean was _really_ worried. Cas had been sick? He'd thought that angels couldn't get sick, ever. It even sounded like it was something he'd done to himself, without realising it. Why would Castiel subconsciously hurt himself? Was there a chance of him doing it again? What had he meant when he'd said he couldn't reverse it? Almost an hour later, when Castiel's sobbing had given way to hiccups, and then even those had begun to ease, Dean questioned his angel. "Cas, you've got to help me out here. I still don't understand. How did you make yourself sick?"

The angel clung even tighter to him, and whispered shakily. "I wanted a family with you so much, that my Grace made it possible, and it worked. I'm pregnant, Dean. I'm so sorry." Dean froze, not even breathing. He wanted to ask the angel if he'd misheard him, but he knew he hadn't. Cas had explained it pretty clearly. Well shit. What the fuck was he supposed to say to _that_? Castiel had already told him the 'how' and 'why' part of the story. The angel had wanted a family with Dean so desperately that his Grace had messed with his vessel's body to make it possible.

The 'who' and 'when' and 'where' parts were also pretty clear. Dean knew he was the only person Castiel had ever had sex with, and they'd only done it once, in Bobby's panic room. That made him the father. Was he the _other_ father? Was Cas technically the _mother_? It didn't matter. All of these facts boiled down to the 'what'. Castiel was fucking _pregnant_, with_ his _child. Okay Dean-o, take a deep breath. Good, now take a few more. When he'd stopped feeling dizzy, he thought about it some more. What would this mean for everyone? How would he deal with this if Castiel was an ordinary human woman, rather than a technically genderless angel who was wearing a male vessel?

This child wasn't planned for, and neither had it been made from their mutual love. Not really. At the time, Dean hadn't realised that he felt that way towards Cas. Maybe he'd already loved him deep down, but even if that was the case, he hadn't known it. He'd honestly thought he was just being a really generous friend repaying a few mountains of debts, helping out the best friend who needed him. But things had changed since then. He knew how he felt about Castiel now, how much he really loved him. But still, they'd only just become a couple, and now _this_? He hadn't even had a chance to tell Sam about them yet!

The timing… Well, okay, the timing could have been much worse. All of the biggest, baddest nasties were either dead or sealed. The only thing they were doing now was handling minor infestations of things like witches and vampires, and petty nasties like Poltergeists and Wendigos. They were also hunting not just in a pair, like Dean was used to, but an entire freaking pack, one which included two badass angels. If Castiel needed to take maternity leave, which he would judging by the events of that morning, it wouldn't exactly leave them too shorthanded.

He suddenly remembered something, and frowned at the memory. Cas had mentioned considering undoing the mojo, so that it would be as if he'd never gotten pregnant, as though he thought that was what Dean would want him to do, but he _couldn't_… Only, the way he'd said it, it had sounded more like he was _able_ to, but the very thought of it made him want to be sick. He'd said that he already loved… Cas already loved the baby, far too much to make it go away and pretend that it had never existed. No, he couldn't do it even if that meant the angel would have to risk losing Dean, just hours after he'd finally gotten him. Dean's heart flooded with warmth at the realisation.

Yes, their relationship was as new and fragile as a fresh-laid egg, but he loved Cas, and Cas had made it very clear that he loved Dean more than the Hunter had ever realised. He didn't know if he was ready for a kid, especially one which was a half-angel, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let Castiel do this all alone. The kid was his too, and if he had Cas by his side, then they could get through this together. The two of them could do anything. Now that the most important decisions were made, everything else could just be dealt with as needed. He leaned back from Castiel, just enough to see the angel's face. There was fear in those gorgeous blue eyes of his, and a hint of resignation, and it damn near broke his heart.

"Cas, are you okay? Are you still feeling sick?" Of course, Castiel could tell what Dean was really asking. "I'm completely healthy, Dean. There's nothing to suggest that carrying the child to term would be detrimental to me. I'll be protected by my Grace." Dean smiled warmly at him, and gently swept a lock of hair from Castiel's face. "Good. There's nothing else to worry about, then. We'll figure this out together, you and me. It's gonna take more than a baby to scare _me_ off." Castiel's eyes widened with surprise. "You're… you're not angry?" Dean shook his head. "I'm glad you kept it. You wouldn't be Cas if you hadn't."

As relief flooded the angel's body, tension and the last of his strength drained from him. He sagged against his human. "Do you want to come back with me? We've been gone for over an hour, the others must be really worried about us by now." Cas just nodded, exhausted, and the next thing Dean knew, he was lying on his motel bed, and Cas was slumped in the filthy armchair next to it. He could hear Sam in the shower, Bobby would be in the room next door, and there was never any telling where Gabriel might be. Dean shook his head at his angel, standing up and pulling Cas onto the bed with him. "You really think I'm going to let my pregnant lover sleep in a chair? Come on Cas, you need your rest."

Cas didn't argue with him about the whole 'angels don't sleep thing'. If Dean didn't mind, he was definitely not going to complain. They lay together on the bed, Dean stroking Castiel's hair until he was completely relaxed. When Dean heard the shower shut off, he slipped off the bed, and went to stand next to the bathroom door. Sam came out in sweats and an undershirt, ready for bed. He froze when he saw Cas laying on Dean's bed, and jumped when he heard his brother clear his throat behind him. "Sammy? Can we talk for a second?"

**AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one should be up within a week. Please R&R! It's really appreciated.**


	3. Castiel's Brother

Sam gave his brother a confused stare. It wasn't like Dean to ask to talk. He was a more action-oriented kind of guy. "It's important, it's about Cas." Sam nodded hesitantly, and followed his brother out onto the porch. Dean shifted to a spot where he could just see Cas through the window. He didn't waste time beating around the bush. "Cas is vulnerable right now. He's sick, and he might be that way for a while. He doesn't need protecting or anything, but we can't take him on hunts for a few months." Sam instantly looked worried about their friend. "What's wrong with him? Isn't there something we can do to help him?"

Dean just shook his head, still not looking at his brother. "This is one of those things that just have to be allowed to run their course. He'll be fine. That isn't really what I wanted to talk with you about." Sam nodded, more confused than ever. "What's going on, Dean?" His big brother gave him a sidelong glance, gathering his courage. "What would you say if I told you that I'd started dating Cas?" Sam snorted, smirking at Dean. "That's easy. I'd say it was about damn time. The amount of eye-sex you guys send at each other is downright disturbing." Dean grimaced. He could hear it in Sammy's playful, mocking tone. His baby brother wasn't taking this seriously. He'd have to take the direct approach. "Sam, I kissed him."

For a second, it looked like Sam thought Dean was just kidding. But, the longer Dean's expression stayed serious, the more doubt crept in, until Sam was looking at his brother like he'd just stabbed a fork into his leg. "You mean… you kissed him on the temple or something, right? Like, to comfort him?" Dean closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh. "No, Sam. I kissed him on the mouth. He kissed me back. There was tongue involved. We're sort of boyfriends now." Sam gaped at Dean, completely flabbergasted. "You can't be serious. Dean, Cas is a freaking _angel_! Not to mention he's a _guy_!"

Dean glared at his giant of a brother. "Yeah, he's an angel, but God hasn't smote my ass so far, and Cas would have told me if that was a possibility. And sure, his vessel is a dude, even if angels don't really have genders. I don't know what to tell you, Sam. If it were any other guy… But it's _not_, this is _Cas_ we're talking about. He's an exception." Sam looked away, thinking about this. He winced as he got a mental visual of Dean and Cas having sex, and had to shake the image from his brain. That made him focus on Cas, and suddenly everything got very serious.

He turned back to his big brother. "Dean, I can see you kissing him. You guys really have been through a lot together, and it's not like he's ugly. Being in a real relationship though… I mean, have you really thought about it? Have you thought about what it could do to Cas if you end up changing your mind? What are you going to do if Castiel wants to have sex some day? Do you really think you could handle that?" Dean clenched his jaw, and crossed his arms over his chest, angling his body away from Sam. His face had gone bright red. Sam narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "No… No way… You didn't! When?" Dean growled at him in warning. "It doesn't matter! It happened, that's all you need to know!"

Sam was just staring now, as though Dean were a total stranger to him. "You know what, Sammy? I don't regret it, either! Castiel has worked his ass off for us, sacrificed everything he ever knew, been hunted by his own family, died for us, for me, numerous times! The one thing, the only thing he's asking for in return, is for me to love him as much as he loves me. That isn't asking too much!" Sam looked his brother straight in the eyes. "So you're saying that you're doing this for _his_ sake? Isn't that the same as saying that you don't really love him?" Dean looked like Sam had punched him. "I don't think there's anyone who knows Cas better than you do, Dean. But do you _love_ him?"

Dean swallowed, trying to clear his abruptly tight throat. He thought back on all of his memories of Cas, everything they'd been through. He'd always had a bond with the angel, from the moment Cas had 'raised him from perdition'. Cas had always answered his calls, every single time, and he'd learnt to have faith in humanity from the Hunter, to the point where he'd abandoned Heaven for him. Cas had never stopped believing in him, even when Dean had stopped believing in himself. He'd been forcibly reprogrammed by Michael's cronies, but he'd still used his own blood to help Dean escape, and get him to Sam.

Even when Dean had botched up stopping Sam from killing Lilith, and he'd spiraled firmly into 'loser' status, Cas had still expected more from him. He hadn't given up. Sometimes, the angel could seem so naïve and childlike, practically swimming in his trenchcoat, not understanding pop culture references, and wearing his tie backwards. The look on his face when Dean had taken him to that 'den of iniquity' had been absolutely priceless. He couldn't help but give a warm smirk at the mental image. Even at his most misguided of times, Cas had only been doing his best for Dean.

Then, other times, when Dean was in trouble, and there was nobody else to save him, Cas had never let him down. The angel was reliable and strong, completely dependable. For the first time since his dad had died, he'd had somebody looking out for him, keeping him safe and patching him up when he got hurt. Cas had even saved his ass from Crowley's minions. He probably didn't even know about all of the things which Cas had done to protect him. Even when every instinct he'd had was screaming at him not to trust the angel, he'd _wanted_ to trust him.

They'd all made their mistakes, but Cas had been so unable to bare the guilt of his own misdeeds that he'd been willing to take Sam's madness into himself, and later insisted on staying behind in Purgatory to repent. Cas was the very definition of 'good' in his books. The angel was the best thing that had ever happened to him. They brought out the best in each other. When he really thought about it, he was a little surprised that it had taken the two of them as long as it did for them to become a couple. They made a really great team. Even when all of the other angels had abandoned Earth, future-Cas had chosen to stay behind and fight for him, even at the cost of his mojo. Dean had never known anyone more loyal.

He'd been thinking a lot lately, about the time he'd spent with Cas in Purgatory. Castiel had pretty much tricked him into leaving him behind. If he hadn't done that, if he'd tried to refuse to leave from the beginning… Dean would have stayed with him. He never would have let the angel face that place without him. What was that, if not love? There were only two people he ever would've willingly spent time in a less-than-utopian afterlife for. Those two were Sam and Cas. He'd said before that Cas was like a brother to him, but could he really have had sex with him, and enjoyed it as much as he did, if he really only thought of him as a sibling?

Hell no! If it had been Sam begging him for sex, Dean would have just let him suffer. It wasn't a life-threatening situation, so he wouldn't even have felt guilty for it. He'd done it for Cas, though. It had felt a little awkward, sure, but also a little normal. He'd never felt safer with anyone than he did with Cas, not even with Sammy. Castiel could _own_ Sam if he ever chose to. Since the angel's most recent resurrection, Dean had found it almost ridiculously easy to trust him again, because he knew better than anybody who Castiel truly was. He was a guardian, a protector and healer, someone who would never not care about him, someone who would never intentionally do him harm.

The angel's greatest betrayal hadn't even been directly to him. It was Sam's mind he'd broken, and he'd fixed that as soon as he'd been himself again, despite the terrible toll it had taken on him. The worst possible situations were behind them. Castiel would throw himself back into Purgatory before he'd let himself become the kind of creature who would hurt Dean like that for a second time. He wasn't going to turn into future-Cas, either, not with Lucifer and Michael locked away, and Dick killed. There would be no final Apocalypse with the angels abandoning them, no Croatoan virus, no powerless, mortal Cas.

It had almost killed him, seeing Castiel like that, with no faith or hope left. He'd been almost unrecognizable, radiating a bitterness which Dean had never seen in him before. The only thing that hadn't changed was the way he was willing to follow Dean anywhere, and that in itself had been painful to see. It just didn't matter what gender Castiel's vessel was. How could it? He hadn't fallen in love with Jimmy Novak's body. He'd fallen in love with _Cas_. It was just that simple. Nobody could tell him that the way he felt for Cas was wrong, not even Sammy, because that just wasn't true.

Sam had been watching Dean's thoughts play out on his face the whole time, silently waiting while his brother figured everything out. Dean turned to him, with such conviction in his eyes that, no matter what Dean said next, it would be impossible for him to dispute it. "Yeah, Sam. I love him. I'm not going to change my mind, or have any doubts in him. I'm afraid you're going to have to either learn to deal with it, or go your own way until you've gotten over it." It wasn't a long speech, but it said everything that he needed it to. Sam watched him for a few seconds, but Dean didn't crack. He nodded, admitting defeat. "Okay. You love him. From now on, when I'm booking hotel rooms, I'll stay with Bobby and Gabe, or on my own."

Dean only hesitated for a second. "You're gonna stick around? It doesn't creep you out or anything?" Sam shot him a dry look, with one raised eyebrow. Or, as Dean liked to call it, 'Bitch Face #thirteen'. "It's weird, but I'll live. I'm a Hunter, Dean. I've seen a lot worse. Just don't go jumping his bones in public. You might blind people. Literally." Dean snorted at the lame joke, relief at Sam's acceptance making his limbs feel a bit wobbly. "Well, now that we've finished this episode of Oprah, I'm gonna head for bed. It's been a rough day. I can promise you that you won't have anything to worry about with me and Cas tonight, so you should go to bed too."

The next day they were getting ready to leave when Gabriel showed up. As he entered and scanned the room, he took a double-take at Castiel. He stared at him, his eyes narrowing, before asking in an ominous tone, "What have you done?" Castiel's eyes widened, he instinctively backed into the wall, and let his angel-blade fall from his sleeve into his hand. Dean, in what was probably a supremely idiotic move, stepped between them with a hand on his ganking-knife. Gabriel huffed at them, raising his hands in submission. "Don't get your panties in a twist, I'm the last one you've got to worry about. You're damn lucky Anna is running Heaven now. Michael would've pulled a Luci on your ass."

Dean shot a questioning look at Cas, but the angel turned his head away, clenching his jaw. Gabriel watched the interaction, and smirked. "He didn't tell you, did he? He's breaking the rules, big time. Having kids with the humans is a major no-no." Dean whipped his head around to glare at Gabriel, confused and scared. Gabe just raised an eyebrow at him. "It's written all over his Grace. He might as well be walking around with a neon sign around his neck saying 'If you're not human, back the fuck up or get ganked!'. I would literally have to be blind to not see it, and even then I'd probably still be able to sense it."

Dean thought about this. "Why didn't you notice it yesterday?" Gabriel shook his head, sighing at how stupid humans could be. "It hadn't been activated yet, or those vamps would have sensed him coming, and done anything they could to get the hell out of there. It probably only started when that one chick threatened the baby. Before then, the neon sign wasn't necessary." Dean nodded to himself, what Gabe was saying made sense. "So, anything that isn't human is gonna know he's coming from a mile away? We're gonna have to take you to Bobby's place, Cas. We can't have you tipping off the nasties." Castiel nodded, although he didn't look too happy about the decision.

Just then they heard the Impala pull in. Sam was back from his morning grocery shopping. They were going to have breakfast before they left. Dean quickly turned to Gabriel. "You breathe a word about the baby to Sam before I've had a chance to tell him, and I'll Molotov you with Holy Oil!" The archangel glared dryly at him, but he kept his mouth shut for once. Sam walked in with a brown paper bag filled with hamburgers, salad and fries, a cardboard four-cup coffee holder in his other hand. Gabriel moved to take the groceries from him, and helped him set everything up on the table.

Sam was looking at everyone suspiciously, wondering why everybody had stopped talking. Castiel was hovering behind Dean, looking worried and holding his angel blade for some reason, while Dean kept shooting warning glares at Gabriel, and the Trickster was pointedly ignoring the looks Dean was giving him. "Okay guys, seriously, what did I miss? I was only gone for like, twenty minutes." Gabriel walked over to him from the little table, and wrapped an arm around his waist. Dean looked at it, confused, slowly growing suspicious. "Good news, honey-moose. Dean says he doesn't mind if we do this…" With that his other hand grabbed the front of Sam's shirt, and pulled him down for a kiss.

Dean's jaw dropped in shock, and took a step forward, but then Sam wrapped his arms around the archangel and _returned the kiss_. Dean froze, his mind going completely blank. He had no idea what was happening anymore. Sure, he'd seen some jacked-up shit in his lives, but _this_? It just made no sense to him at all. After a minute, Sam broke off the kiss, and looked at the Trickster in his arms with affectionate consternation. "Gabe, just because my brother can no longer say anything about us without sounding hypocritical, doesn't mean you're allowed to out me to Dean." Gabriel just smirked at him, completely shameless. Dean couldn't take it. He lowered his face to stare at the floor, shaking his head in disbelief.

Sam watched him, worried about his brother's reaction, but before anybody could say anything, he walked out of the hotel room, slamming the door shut behind him. Sam flinched at the loud noise, gulped, and gripped Gabriel tighter. The archangel snorted, sending the door a disgusted look. Castiel looked from the door to Sam, back at the door, then back at Sam, worried about Dean but with no idea what to do about it. Eventually Sam noticed Castiel's puppy-eyes, and tilted his head, nodding it at the door. Castiel nodded his acknowledgement, and quickly followed Dean outside.

He found the Hunter leaning against the Impala, his face in his hands. Cas hesitated, not entirely sure what he should do now that he was actually standing next to Dean. He'd seen Sam put his hand on his brother's shoulder when he'd been upset on previous occasions, but those two were siblings. Would it still work if Cas tried it? There was only one way to find out. He tentatively laid his hand on Dean's right shoulder. The Hunter tensed, but then he looked up, saw who was touching him, and sighed in relief. Dean turned to the angel, wrapping his arms around Castiel's lean waist, and burying his face in the angel's neck. Cas awkwardly petted Dean's back, gaining confidence as Dean relaxed into his touch.

When he'd taken a few deep, calming breaths, Dean pulled back. This wasn't working, he was still far too riled up and upset to properly relax. "Where do I even _start_, Cas? I can't do this all at once! Less than two weeks ago I find out that I'm in _love_ with you, despite this going against something I've believed about myself for the last two _decades_. Fine, it doesn't matter at all. It's _you_, and I would have fallen in love with you no matter _what_ body you'd shown up in, even if it meant stretching my orientation. I'm fine with it as long as it's _you_. Then yesterday, I find out that you're _pregnant _of all things. What the fuck am I supposed to even _do _with that?"

Dean ignored the way Castiel tensed up at this. He was upset and ranting, and he'd already told Cas that he was okay with the pregnancy. He'd say it again anyway, because he loved Cas, and he hated seeing the angel looking so worried. "I'm confused and I'm terrified, and the only reason why I'm not completely freaking out and panicking is because, again, it's _you_. As long as we're in this together, I feel like I could do _anything_. It's not like I've always hated children or something, I _do_ want them, it's just a really huge shock." Castiel relaxed again, but he didn't say anything to interrupt Dean. Even while his lover ranted and freaked the fuck out, he never lost his patience. The man really was an angel.

"Now that makes _two_ shocks which I've taken in under _two_ weeks, neither of which have had the time to really sink in. And then I find out, from fucking _Gabriel _of all people, that my sweet, precious little Sammy is _messing around with the fucking Trickster God_! This is the same _assbutt_ who made him watch me _die_ every day for _months_, and then made him experience living without me for _another several months_! We're talking about the son-of-a-bitch who trapped us in _TV land_ to try to force us into playing our roles as _vessels _for Michael and Lucifer!" Cas squirmed, he didn't like being reminded of his brother's transgressions. Gabriel was the only brother he was still close to, and he loved him dearly.

Dean was still nowhere near running out of steam. "Look, I know he's your brother, and I think it's great that he decided to help us out in the end. But even then, it was only for the sake of his Pagan Goddess _girlfriend_, and just what the hell happened to _her_? Where is _she_ in all of this? And great, he hunts with us now, and we have one more badass ally that I'm not related to. Fantastic, it's great having a little extra firepower around here, and some days the tricks up his sleeve are the only things which let us finish a hunt with our asses intact! I'm man enough to admit that!" Cas could feel eyes boring into his back, and realised that Sam was watching them anxiously from the hotel window.

He'd have to wait a bit longer though. "But after everything that bastard has put Sam through, how can I trust that jerkwad with my baby brother? I can't! And until I can do that, how am I supposed to face Sammy, who obviously cares about the douchebag for some reason? It's just too much Cas, I can't deal with all of this at the same time! People can't go around piling surprises on me one after the other, and think that I'll just magically be okay with it! Why can't anything ever just happen one at a time?" By this point Dean's face was bright red with exertion, and he was almost hyperventilating. Cas just walked over to him, pulling him back into a hug. "Dean, just tell me what you need."

Dean couldn't help but smile at Castiel's simple words. "I need a vacation Cas, just you and me, in the middle of nowhere, with not a single monster to gank within a fifty mile radius. I want to go someplace that isn't a shitty motel, and has a bar within walking distance. I just want to take off, for at least a week. After that, I'll sit Sammy down, and give him a chance to convince me not to trap Gabriel in a circle of holy fire and use him for target practice." Cas winced at the mental image. Just because angels could regenerate did not mean they couldn't feel any pain. He was pretty sure that Dean was aware of that fact, too. "Alright Dean, I'll fetch your bag and let Sam know where we're going."

Dean didn't know what to say, but he didn't need to say anything. Castiel could see the gratitude in his eyes. The angel just smiled at him in a 'you're welcome' sort of way. By noon they were booked in at a lovely inn, somewhere in the Midwest. It had a pleasant, old-country feeling about it. Their large room had its own fireplace, and the bed was huge and soft-looking. The middle-aged lady who ran the place had gone rather wide-eyed when they'd booked the room. There was no chance of her mistaking them for brothers, not with how different they looked, but Dean had outright refused to blush. He wasn't ashamed of Cas, or embarrassed. How could he be? He was damn lucky to have the angel.

Besides, he was used to people making assumptions about him and Sammy every time they booked into a cheap motel. It was just different this time because for once they were right, and booking a room with only one bed would mean that he was confirming their suspicions for the first time, so it felt a bit weird. It was nothing he couldn't learn to get used to, but it would take some time. It only took them a minute to settle in, then Dean wanted to get an early lunch. He hadn't eaten yet what with all of the fuss that morning, so he was absolutely starving. They went downstairs to the little café which the owner ran. Dean relaxed when he saw that it was empty. He didn't think he could deal with any homophobic crap today.

He'd be ecstatic if he never had to deal with it _ever_, but he knew that such ideas were just plain unrealistic, as much as that fact sucked. Since they were on vacation, the Hunter spoilt himself, ordering a slice of apple pie along with his chicken sandwiches. Surprisingly, Castiel ordered a meal as well. Dean sent him an inquiring eyebrow-quirk, and the angel shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Angels don't need food, but half-angels do, and until this one is born, I'll have to keep it nourished." Something changed in Dean's expression. A fierce pride, protectiveness, and hunger burnt in his gaze.

The heated look made a knot form in Castiel's stomach, it was a sensation he was mostly unfamiliar with. This wasn't the painful, burdensome knot of anxiety or fear. It was a tension, born of molten heat, and coiled like a tightly-wound spring. It stayed there, unchanging, as they finished their meal, and returned upstairs. Dean wasn't used to having a lot of free time with nothing to do, and nobody around except Cas. It was a little unnerving. Usually he could just slip into easy conversation with Sam or Bobby, talking about something inane for an hour or two until his boredom eased, but they weren't here. What was he supposed to talk with Cas about?

He couldn't really think of anything, so he just turned on the small TV, and settled on the couch. Cas came and sat next to him, watching the sitcom with curiosity and confusion. It was even funnier than watching Cas watch porn for the first time. Dean tried to explain things to him, but most of the time that just seemed to make him even more confused, until by the end of the show, Dean could barely breathe he was laughing so hard. Cas huffed, looking deeply affronted, and blushing with embarrassment. He looked so adorable, Dean just couldn't help it. He leaned into the angel's personal space, gently sliding his right hand against Castiel's cheek, and leant in for a slow, lazy kiss.

**AN: This is up a little earlier than promised, I learnt a new trick from Tumb1r for how to get your inspiration back when writer's block sets in. If you want my secret, you'll have to review this chapter, and send me free hugs! *evil laughter***


	4. Castiel's Fetish

It was languorous and indulgent, but determined and exploratory. Dean was taking his time mapping out his lover's mouth, while Cas happily let him, and tried his best to return the favour. The angel was a blissfully fast learner, and he'd already had a few lessons on the subject. It wasn't long before he was pushing Dean back against the couch, kissing him and nuzzling at his neck. He draped his body over the Hunter, and let his weight rest fully on him, pressing their hips together snugly. Dean purred with appreciation, snaking his hands under Castiel's trenchcoat and wrapping his arms around the angel's waist.

He rested his hands flat against the warm, lean muscles of Castiel's lower back. Cas shivered, and buried his face in Dean's shoulder like a contented cat. That would've been fine, but the angel was heavier than he looked, and Dean was feeling a little bit squashed. He turned them onto their sides, so his back leant against the back of the couch. It took the weight off of his chest so he could breathe again. He suddenly remembered a time when Sam had been little more than a toddler, and John had been away on a hunt. They were starting to run low on cash for food, and Dean wasn't sure what to do about it.

He'd had to start rationing their supplies to make them last longer, and Sam was too hungry to fall asleep, even though Dean had given him his share too. After a couple of hours, Dean had crawled into the bed with him, cuddling with his little brother, and telling him at least a dozen stories to get him to fall asleep. John hadn't come back until a week later, but he'd sent Bobby to look after the boys when he'd realised he wouldn't make it back any time soon. The man who was like a second father to them had shown up literally an hour after Dean had spent their last dollar on food for Sammy, and the first thing he'd done was to buy Dean a hearty breakfast.

After that, Dean had often changed their motel booking to a smaller room with a single bed, to conserve cash, and shared the bed with his baby brother. It had been four or five years before they'd both gotten too big, and Sam had stopped being quite so comfortable with the arrangement. Dean hadn't realised how much he'd missed it until he'd found himself with an armful of warm, pliant muscles again. It was surprisingly soothing. Cas was nipping at his neck now, and licking at him like a playful kitten, but it was more teasing than arousing, just enough to make him feel warm and fuzzy, and Dean's eyelids started to droop.

A nap sounded pretty good to him right about then. Cas sighed with contentment, and rested his head under Dean's chin. Dean hadn't meant to sleep for very long, but it was already completely dark outside by the time he stirred again. He felt more rested and relaxed than he had in months. It was exactly what he'd needed, what he'd taken this holiday for. The pair of them made it downstairs in time for a light supper, and Dean introduced Cas to the delights of cherry pie and whipped cream. The look of delighted surprise lighting up his blue eyes made Dean laugh.

There was a young couple in the café, backpackers by the look of them, but they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't even notice Dean feeding Cas forkfuls of pie. The angel ended up enjoying his dessert so much that Dean fed him his slice too. When that was gone, he ordered another slice. Dean was laughing uncontrollably, and trying to warn Cas not to eat too much. "I want to take this slice upstairs with us Dean. I'm not sure why, but I suddenly want you to eat it off of me." Dean choked on his soda, spraying some of the sticky black liquid onto the table.

His face was bright red, and his little outburst had attracted the attentions of the backpackers, who were staring at them with concern. Dean pointedly ignored them, and just hoped that they would turn away soon. Cas was blushing too, and squirming in his seat. "I'm sorry Dean, I don't know why I had that thought. Carrying our Nephil is making me more human in some ways. I've been having many new human thoughts, and much stronger emotions lately. I've… I've missed your body a lot since that incident with Famine." It took Dean a full minute to realise that Cas had just referred to their baby as a 'Nephil'.

He made a mental note of it, and shoved that note to the back of his mind. Right now they had a slice of cherry pie to eat, and Dean was _hungry_. They snuck the pie upstairs, along with a small jug of cream. Cas pulled the sticky pie from his pocket, and the little jug of cream he'd been careful not to spill, and placed them both on the bedside table while Dean closed and locked the door behind them. It only took a split second of thought to make his trenchcoat clean again with a tiny spark of his Grace. Dean stalked over to him, pulling his plaid button-up and his under-shirt up over his head as he went.

He helped Cas take off his trenchcoat, kissing him clumsily as he did so. When the garment came free, Dean sent a wicked smirk at his angel, and put the trenchcoat on himself. Castiel moaned at the sight, and pulled Dean to him, kissing him possessively before throwing him onto the bed with just a bit too much force. Dean bounced off the mattress and almost fell off the bed, ridiculously turned on by the display of strength. Cas looked down at his fully clothed body, gave an impatient growl, and then they were just gone, and he was naked. Dean didn't bother wondering where Cas had sent them. They would be back when the angel needed them again.

Cas crawled onto the bed, pushing Dean down into the mattress, pinning his arms and legs with his own, and making the Hunter's jeans, underwear, shoes and socks, all disappear the same way he'd done his, leaving him in nothing but the trenchcoat which was barely clinging to his shoulders. Suddenly Dean felt uncomfortable. This was moving a little fast, and Cas was being a bit too forceful. It was making him nervous. He'd never been in this kind of situation before. He'd never been with a partner he couldn't easily overpower, but if Castiel refused to stop, then there would be nothing Dean would be able to do about it.

Last time, when Cas had taken control of their encounter, it had been a turn-on, but Dean hadn't felt trapped then. He'd still felt like he had some control over the situation. Normally he wouldn't be worried about Castiel refusing to stop, but right now the angel seemed to be caught up in a lustful frenzy, and only half aware of his actions. Would Cas even hear Dean asking him to slow down? Castiel felt the muscles beneath his lips tense up. Not in the good, fluttering way, but in a nervous, frightened manner. He stopped, and looked up at Dean. It was like having a bucket of ice-cold water thrown over his head.

What he saw in the Hunter's eyes made him recoil, shuddering with self-loathing. "Dean, I…" His voice was just a dry rasp. Before the angel could do something stupid like, disappear, Dean surged forward and pulled Cas into a firm hug. "Stop, don't say anything. It's okay. This was bound to happen at some point, Cas, let's face it. You're new to sex, and you're a much stronger species than me. Now that this has happened, we can talk about it, and we can set some ground rules so this won't happen again. Every couple has a conversation like this eventually; it's completely normal, so don't go beating yourself up about it. I know you didn't mean to scare me, and you didn't hurt me, so everything is fine."

He felt the angel nod against his shoulder, and tentatively wrap his arms around his waist in a loose, gentle hug. Dean couldn't help but smile. How could he ever have been worried? Cas would rather die than hurt him. He pulled back a little to look Cas in the eyes, and the angel immediately let his arms drop to his thighs. "Okay, first of all, it's okay to be firm with me, and to take control sometimes. I really don't mind, and you're not gonna hurt me that easily. There are just some things that make me uncomfortable, and as long as you remember not to do those things, then we won't have any problems."

Cas nodded in acknowledgement, and gently wrapped his arms around Dean again. Dean rewarded him with a happy smirk, and pecked him on the lips. "Okay, first rule. I don't like being completely pinned. If you really want to then it's okay, but don't pin all four limbs at once, only two at a time. The second rule is, you can't use so much strength that I wouldn't be able to break your hold if I really wanted to. I'm a strong guy, but I'm not an angel. It might take you a little while to figure out how much strength is okay, and how much is too much, and that's fine too, just as long as you pay attention."

Castiel nodded again, completely focused on every word Dean said. He would never forget a single one of these rules for as long as he existed, Dean was absolutely certain of it. "Okay. Then, until I think of something else to add, that just leaves rule number three. I would very much appreciate it if you didn't use your mojo to zap our clothes off. Unless we're both in a big hurry, and I specifically ask you to do it, then I'd really prefer to watch you take your clothes off the old-fashioned way. Otherwise it feels rushed, and I usually like to take things slow when I'm with someone special."

Castiel's eyes shimmered with happiness. That was the first time that Dean had outright told him that he was special to the Hunter. He blinked, and suddenly their clothes were back. Not all of them, only the ones which he'd removed with his Grace. Then he leant back, slowly pulling off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt, giving Dean a bit of a show. Dean sat back, leaning on his elbows and watching with appreciation. When Cas reached for his tie, Dean came forward and stilled his hand. "Leave the tie on, I like it." Cas didn't even think to question him, he just innocently followed Dean's lead.

When the Hunter stopped him reaching for his belt buckle, Cas growled in frustration, and the sound made Dean chuckle. "It's my turn, Cas. I want to feel your hands take my jeans off. You'll have to start with my shoes." After struggling with the laces for a full minute, cursing and tugging at the offending things, Dean couldn't contain his laughter any longer. Cas glared darkly at him. "I'll teach you how to take those off some time, but until then it's okay to zap shoes." Cas sighed in relief, removing the shoes with a glimmer of Grace. With those out of the way, he crawled up Dean's legs, and started in on his belt, using his teeth to help even though he didn't really need to. For some reason he just _wanted _to.

It was worth having the sharp taste of leather on his tongue when he heard Dean's appreciative growl. He soon had Dean's pants off, tossing them to the floor beside the bed, leaving just the boxers. There was a rather noticeable tent, with a small wet patch which was starting to spread. Cas gave the patch a curious sniff, then a tentative lick. The taste was strong and musky, but not bad. Dean groaned loudly, and quickly pulled his own boxers down. Dean crooked a finger at Cas, beckoning him closer. Cas smirked at him, an expression which Dean felt didn't suit him. It reminded him too much of future-Cas. "Dean, do you want me to show you something I learnt from the Pizza-man?"

Dean grimaced, and stopped Cas with a hand on his shoulder. "I've got a new rule for you, Cas. I think we're on number four now. No more watching porn for you. I don't want you learning this stuff from anybody but me. Is that okay with you?" Castiel's expression softened, and suddenly the angel Dean knew and loved was back. "Yes Dean, that's fine with me. I'm sorry." Dean smiled warmly at his lover, and placed a hand behind his neck, burying it in Castiel's short black hair, and pulling the angel closer for a kiss. Castiel's shoulders tensed and rippled, and he moaned into the kiss. Dean raised an inquiring eyebrow at him, and Cas blushed, looking away. "My wings are getting itchy. They want to come out."

Dean smirked, and kissed Cas again before murmuring, "Let them out, then. I want to see them." With a loud groan, an explosion of feathers burst from Castiel's shoulders, bright sunset-coloured feathers raining down around them. Dean heard a lamp go flying, and glass breaking, as the huge limbs stretched out to their full capacity. They were glorious, with heavy tinges of a passionate red. Dean reached for Castiel's left wing, but the angel pulled it back, anxious. "My wings are very fragile, Dean. The bones are hollow, and they're made directly from my Grace. If you break them by accident, I can't heal them the way I heal my vessel. I would have to wait for them to heal on their own, which could take several days."

Dean caressed his lover's cheek in a soothing gesture. "It's okay, Cas. I'll be really gentle. I would never hurt you." Cas cautiously brought his wings forward, draping them over the both of them. Dean carefully stroked the leading edge of the right wing, and Castiel shivered. "Your wings are sensitive?" Cas nodded, confirming Dean's theory. "They have to be very sensitive, to feel changes in air currents and subtle shifts in temperature which could indicate changes in pressure. It's difficult to fly efficiently without being attuned to the weather." Dean nodded, only half paying attention to what Cas was saying. Later, all he would remember about the explanation was that Cas could forecast the weather with his wings.

He stroked the bright, metallic-tinged feathers, and startled when they darkened in colour. It almost felt like touching a moth's dusty wings, and sure enough, when he brought his hand closer to his face for inspection, they were covered in colourful metallic dust. The feathers he'd been handling were now a matte black. They looked fluffy and beautiful, and he quickly set about brushing the strange dust from more of Castiel's feathers. His ministrations were eliciting loud moans and shudders from the angel kneeling above him. Shaking hands undid Castiel's belt buckle, and pulled his slacks and briefs down, and trembling legs clumsily kicked the garments off onto the floor.

Dean smirked at Cas, and took pity on the angel. Well, sort of. He turned them, carefully laying Cas down on the plush mattress, and held himself up on his hands and knees. "Cas, what's with the dust on your wings?" He snorted when he heard Cas whine in protest. He'd never heard Cas whine before. Dean didn't relent though, he was too curious. Cas huffed, and answered his question. "It's angel-dust. Whenever my wings come out, they do so with a coating of Grace, in the form of dust. The colours of it reflect my emotions at the point of release." Dean nodded. He'd already figured that much out.

Cas continued explaining, slowly regaining control of his ragged breathing. "They serve the purpose of making anything which isn't human or angelic completely blind. The effect only lasts for a few hours, but that's usually plenty of time to eradicate the threat. It's a defence mechanism. Pure Grace works on humans too, like Pamela, and is more permanent. That's why I tried to tell her not to force me to reveal my true form to her; I didn't want to hurt her. Angel-dust will only work on monsters and demons, and it has to be fresh. It disintegrates down to the atomic level after about six hours. It has magical properties, but I doubt a witch would know what to do with it, it's almost impossible for humans to obtain."

Dean softly stroked the feathers on the bed, eliciting more shivers from Cas. "So it isn't actually your feathers changing colour, it's just the dust? Your feathers have always been this matte black colour?" Cas nodded. "If I puff out my feathers and shake all of the dust off, you'll see that they're slightly blue where the light hits them. They're the wings I was made with, so maybe God had a reason for giving them to me, but I'm the only angel with blue-black wings." Dean frowned down at the angel's sad tone, but Cas smiled at his obvious concern, and gave him a brief, reassuring kiss.

When Dean's face relaxed, Cas continued his explanation. "Their true colours have nothing to do with my emotions, but perhaps, as you suggested before, they could be linked to my personality. I've been told that I'm the first angel to have such a strong affinity for humans. All of my brothers have wings in shades of white, cream, or grey. Samandriel was the only other angel with blue in his wings, his were a very soft, powder blue. Others tend more towards gold, or sometimes brown. Gabriel's three pairs resemble a Golden Eagle's wings. Lucifer has glossy black wings which shine a dark, bloody shade of red under strong light. I was often mocked about the resemblance."

Dean frowned in thought, "Did you say three pairs? Why does Gabriel have six wings?" Cas looked at him oddly, as though the human was asking why two plus two equalled four. "_Every_ archangel has six wings. It's one of their most distinguishing features. If I were ever promoted, I would get two extra pairs the same colour as my current wings. I hear that it can take several years to learn how to fly with the additional wings, but Gabriel was made with them, so he's never known what it's like to fly with only one pair." Dean nodded, sitting back on his heels.

He grinned mischievously down at Cas, and leaned over to the little bedside table. "Since you answered my questions so nicely, I think it's time for your reward. I believe someone mentioned a newly discovered pie fetish?" Cas moaned, letting his head sink further down into the feathery pillow. Dean moved Castiel's tie off of his chest, and started breaking up the slice of sticky cherry pie, placing small chunks of it all over the angel's chest. Sometimes Cas would take a ragged breath, and a piece would fall off, but Dean just carefully picked it up and put it back each time this happened.

He wasn't worried about making a mess; Cas could easily clean it up later with his Grace. It was a large slice of pie; he managed to break it into at least a dozen pieces. Once there was no pie left, Dean got the little jug filled with cream, but just as the pie had cooled down while they'd been getting ready, the cream had warmed up. "Cas, can you make the cream cold again?" Cas blinked, and instantly condensation started forming on the surface of the ceramic jug. At the same time, steam started rising from the pieces of pie he was covered in. Cas moaned at the feeling, it was like being under an electric blanket. His face turned red from the heat, it was a bit uncomfortable.

Dean frowned in worry, but Cas just shook his head. "I'm fine, pour the cream. It will help cool me down." Dean nodded, and did as instructed. Each time the cold liquid hit his feverish skin, the angel gasped and hissed at the sensation, clenching his teeth, and tensing his muscles. The sounds escaping from him were making it difficult for Dean to hold himself back, but he waited until almost all of the cream had been poured. He set the jug back down on the table, then leant over Cas, and ate a small chunk of sweet, cream-covered cherry pie right off of the angel's collarbone. Cas yelped at the feeling of Dean's hot lips, his wet tongue, and his sharp, nipping teeth teasing his sensitive flesh.

The Hunter was lathing the spot completely clean with his tongue, and worrying the skin until there was a dark bruise there. While his mouth worked on Castiel's skin, Dean rested all of the weight of his upper body on his left arm, and made fill use of his right hand to keep stroking and massaging the feathers of Castiel's left wing. Dean worked his way along the limb until he was carding his fingers through the soft black down near the shoulders, and tugged gently. The tugging in particular elicited a strong reaction, Castiel's back arched up off the bed, his feathers puffing up noisily and shedding colourful dust all over the room.

Dean was too distracted to really notice it when the feathers his hand was buried in started getting oily. He just assumed that it had something to do with sweat, or that it was similar to what happened with human hair when it was handled too much. He switched positions so that he was resting on his right arm, and using his left hand to stroke Castiel's other wing. After a few minutes, those feathers also started feeling damp and slick, but Dean found that he actually liked the sensation. His sinful tongue followed a trail of cream over to the next piece, which was right over Castiel's heart. He lapped up the cold, savoury liquid, like he was tracing a route on a map.

Dean did the same thing for each chunk of pie, leaving dark hickies all over Castiel's chest. The fifth piece was over one of the angel's pink nipples. Dean took his time gently sucking on the soft flesh, rolling the little nub between his tongue and the back of his upper teeth, carefully chewing until the flesh hardened. Castiel was making quiet, desperate, incoherent sounds, and scraping his nails down Dean's back underneath the trenchcoat. Luckily the angel's fingernails were blunt, but they still left red welts. These just encouraged Dean, who meandered on to the seventh piece of pie, over Castiel's other nipple, giving it the same treatment he'd given the first one.

The last two chunks of pie were over the delicate skin where Castiel's thighs met his torso. Dean gripped the angel's hips tight, pinning them down with every ounce of his weight, and slowly ate the last few sticky crumbs. His grip was slick with the oily substance from Castiel's wings. One strong buck of the angel's hips would have been plenty to dislodge him. Dean just did his best to make up for this by gripping the sharp bones even harder, until his knuckles went white, and he was sure he'd leave bruises. Cas was shaking with the effort to suppress his strength, and his intense desire to take control. He'd rather die than put fear in Dean's eyes again.

By the time the pie was all gone, both men were painfully turned on, and panting for breath. The sheets were soaked with the oil which seemed to be coming from Castiel's wings. Actually, come to think of it, Dean thought it had a somewhat familiar smell. "Cas, is that _holy oil_?" The angel blushed, and refused to meet his eyes. "Small amounts are produced naturally, when angels groom their wings. It keeps dirt from sticking to the feathers, usually, but there are ways of stimulating excess production." Dean stared down at the angel, absolutely stunned. "You mean to tell me that all of those bottles of oil you've given me over the years…"

Cas just nodded. "The oil was mine. I discovered how to manufacture copious amounts of oil quite by accident, and thought that you could probably find a good use for it. It was rather ironic when you used it to trap me in that circle of holy fire." Dean struggled to assimilate this unexpected information. A sneaking suspicion was building in the back of his mind. "Cas, how do you force yourself to make more oil? You have to massage your wings, right? Your wings are really sensitive, so touching them that much must turn you on, right? It's like masturbation for angels, isn't it?"

**AN: Hello all you lovely people! Thank you for reading this far. First, I just really want to thank the eleven people who have reviewed so far. They are my own personal angels, and they are all very much appreciated. The free hugs I was sent really made my day! As usual, the next update will be within seven days, probably sooner. There will be Sabriel soon, maybe not in the next chapter, but definitely the one after that. I still have lots of ideas for where I want this all to go. Please review, and let me know what you think. Any suggestions? Anything specific that you liked or hated? Any requests? Anything you would have done differently? I'd love to hear it! Oh, and the next chapter is going to come with free hugs. When this story is finished, each of my reviewers (except anonymous guests, because unfortunately I can't PM them) will get my magical secret for how to defeat writer's block. ^_^**


	5. Castiel's Confession

Cas squirmed, embarrassed and uncomfortable. He could only nod his confirmation. Dean's lips twisted into a wicked smirk, and he leaned in close, so that his mouth was mere millimetres away from the angel's ear. "Cas, who were you thinking about when you touched your own wings?" Cas moaned, arching up to rub his chest against Dean's. "All I could think about was you, Dean. I wanted your callused hands on my feathers." The Hunter buried a hand in a fistful of short, slick feathers, gripping them firmly, and massaging the hidden bones with his fingertips. "Like this, Cas?" The angel cried out, bucking his hips shallowly. When his length found Dean's, Cas gave a loud gasp, and started grinding against his lover.

Dean bit back a satisfied groan, biting his bottom lip. He clutched harder at the fragile wings where they joined Castiel's shoulders, until the angel cried out in his gravelly voice, and his hips stuttered. Cas mirrored the gesture subconsciously, desperately clinging to the backs of Dean's shoulders. "Dean, please hurry! I don't think I can hold out much longer. I want you inside me when I cum!" Dean shuddered, eager to comply, but there was something he had to be sure of first. "Is that safe, Cas? In your condition, I mean." The angel huffed, and rolled his eyes. It was a bad habit which he'd picked up from spending far too much time with the Winchester brothers.

"Dean, I'm not grievously injured, I'm only pregnant. I'm still an angel, you can't hurt me or the child just by having intercourse with me." Dean's embarrassed blush was only indeterminable because of how flushed his skin already was from pleasure. In retaliation, Dean grabbed Castiel's tie, and roughly pulled the angel closer to him for a deep, messy kiss. It was all tongue and teeth, neither could tell which of them were making the sinful sounds which were coming from their mouths. The hand holding that blue tie had slipped around to the back of Castiel's neck, to help support his head.

While the angel was distracted, Dean slipped his other hand down, gathering the oil which was all over Castiel's back now, coating his fingers in it, and slowly feeling his way to the angel's entrance. Just like their first time, Cas quickly adjusted to Dean's fingers, using a hint of Grace to help his muscles relax and ease the way. Dean didn't object to the small display of supernatural power, the last thing he wanted was to cause Cas any kind of pain. The holy oil really did make a remarkably good lubricant. Dean was soon slicking up his length, and aligning himself, lifting Castiel's thighs up and pulling them around his waist. Cas got the idea, and obediently wrapped his legs around Dean.

With one hand on the bed, and the other splayed against the angel's lower back, Dean slowly pushed in. He didn't stop until he was all the way in, as deep as he could go, but then he paused for a few seconds to get his breathing back under control, and to give Cas a chance to adjust to the sensation. After all, this was their first time going this far in almost two months. Cas only needed a few seconds though, before he was carefully rolling his hips. Dean moaned, low and long, and the angel gave him a small, mischievous smirk before repeating the action. Dean growled, and roughly pumped his hips, drawing a surprised yelp from Cas, but on his second go he found the angel's prostate.

From then on it was just a dizzying blur of movement and pleasure and a delicious heat coiling in his belly. After all of their teasing foreplay, neither was able to last long. Cas came first, with a shout which shattered the windows and blew out all of the light bulbs in the room. His wings, which had been half folded over Dean's back, had snapped out to the sides. They were stretched as far as they were capable of being, trembling subtly, the feathers puffing out and shiny with oil. There was no sign of any dust on them now, it had all been shed long ago. There were only the original dark, blue-black feathers left, and they were absolutely glorious.

Dean followed immediately after his lover, biting down where Castiel's neck joined his shoulder. The Hunter's entire body was taught with the intense pleasure scorching his veins. There was also the slight pain of being gripped too tight by his angel's body, which he'd been expecting this time. Their first time together had been so overwhelming, that Dean had passed out the second it was over. He'd woken up several hours later, alone and naked, on the cold floor of Bobby's panic room. He had only his jacket draped over him for warmth and modesty, and his shirts bundled up under his head for a pillow. All of the bruises and hickies he'd been expecting were conspicuously absent. He'd obviously been deliberately healed.

This time, despite the painful ringing in his ears, the general soreness starting to creep in at the edges of his consciousness, and the bone-deep exhaustion which was starting to settle over him, Dean was able to stay awake for a few more seconds. It wasn't much, but it was still long enough to say a few last things to Cas. "Don't go disappearing on me this time, Cas. I want you to be right here in the morning. No healing my bruises, either. I want to keep these." He could feel Castiel's smile against the skin of his neck, and then there was just a soothing, empty darkness. One thing was certain, if the lady who owned this establishment had harboured any doubts about the nature of their relationship, she wouldn't anymore.

Dean woke up first, late the next morning, with a pounding headache. He grunted quietly, his jaw clenched tight shut. He slowly curled up, pressing his hands to his temples, trying to fight back the pain. His whole body was throbbing with a dull ache, but his head hurt the most. Cas shifted next to him, lifting his head to look at Dean with a worried frown. The angel raised his hand, and reached for Dean's jaw, pausing for a second to silently ask permission. Dean nodded, and Cas gently touched his hand to the side of Dean's face. The pain was instantly gone, but Cas looked even more troubled than before. "My true voice did this. I physically damaged your ears. You were partially deafened, and the trauma caused your migraine."

Dean couldn't say he was surprised. "I know I said no healing my bruises, but maybe I should've been more realistic. From now on, healings are okay, but try to see if you can leave the hickies. I want to keep those. Otherwise, I might think that having sex with you was just a really great dream I had." Cas ducked his head with a small smile and a blush. He splayed a hand on Dean's naked abdomen, and a wave of warmth rippled through the Hunter's body as all of his painful bruises were eased away. When he went to the bathroom later, to do his morning routine, and he stepped over to the sink to shave, he found that his neck, shoulders, and torso were still littered with small, dark hickies.

They'd gotten up too late for breakfast, but they were just in time for lunch. Cas fixed all of the glass his voice had broken before either of them left the safety of the bed. He told Dean that he'd blocked the worst of the noise from leaving their room, which explained why nobody had called the police when it should've seemed like a small explosive device had gone off in their bedroom. Lunch was a quiet affair, filled with playful grins and knowing smirks, and introducing Cas to the wonderful game of 'footsie' under the table while the poor angel tried to eat his turkey sandwiches. For once, Dean didn't even scope out the place to see whether or not they were alone in the café. He was oblivious to everything except Castiel.

When they'd both eaten their full, they went back to their room to watch TV together. Dean sat on one end of the sofa, while Cas lay right across it with his head in Dean's lap, like an overgrown cat. Dean didn't mind though, he enjoyed running his hands through Castiel's hair almost as much as the angel seemed to enjoy being petted. There was a comfortable atmosphere to the whole scene, and soon Dean's mind was wandering away from the show they'd been watching. He found himself thinking about questions which he'd had in the back of his mind for a very long time now.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answers to some of those questions, but he hated the idea of just always wondering, and he knew he would. He was a curious guy by nature. "Hey, Cas? When Sam and I met Jimmy a few years ago, he said he remembered being shot and stabbed while you were wearing his body. Does that mean he's aware of the stuff we did last night?" Castiel shifted, sitting up awkwardly. "I told Jimmy, that if I possessed him again, he'd be aware for the entire time I inhabited him, just as he'd been before, possibly for thousands of years because he'd never age. That should have been true, but I was wrong. When Lucifer destroyed me, and God brought me back, Jimmy was gone."

Dean's face scrunched up in contemplation. "What do you mean by gone, exactly?" Cas just shrugged. "I'm not really sure myself. My best guess is that God decided to let his soul return to Heaven. It was quite disorienting. All I know for certain is that I'm the only one in this body now. Well, me and our baby." Dean nodded. "Cas, why does talking about Jimmy make you so uncomfortable?" Castiel squirmed in his seat. He hadn't looked Dean in the eye even once the entire time they'd been discussing Jimmy. "That time, I wanted to remain in possession of his daughter, Claire. I told Jimmy that he would never age whilst I possessed him, but I could have allowed Claire's body to age."

Dean stared at him in confusion. Cas was clearly very uncomfortable, but he continued his explanation. "In time, it would have been rather easy for you to find her attractive, as a female. That's what you've always been used to. But I could feel her soul, beneath my Grace. She was confused, and overwhelmed, and terrified. She hadn't asked to be my vessel the way Jimmy had, she'd never prayed to me. I couldn't do that to her, not while Jimmy insisted on taking her place. I owed them at least that much, even if it meant that you'd probably never accept my affections."

Dean just blinked at him, shocked speechless by the angel's admission. "Cas, if you'd kept Claire's body, I would have been seriously pissed off with you. One of the biggest reasons for why I love you is that you're not the sort of guy who'd do something like that. Have you seriously been interested in me for that long? That was _years_ ago." Cas finally looked him in the eye, smiling wryly. "Hester was right about one thing. From the moment I first laid my hand on your soul, I was lost. I don't know how I could possibly explain it to you, English is such a limited language, but your soul is incredibly beautiful."

Dean snorted dismissively at the compliment. He didn't believe it for a second. Cas glanced at him sideways, but soldiered on. "It shines with selflessness and protectiveness. That's the reason why Famine has no effect on you. It's not because you're dead inside, it's because you've never wanted anything for yourself, Dean. You've only ever wanted good things for everybody else. Your soul has such a fierce capacity to love, that it burns even an angel's touch. There's still a small scorch mark on my Grace from touching it. There isn't even a hint of genuine resentment in your soul, or blame for anybody except yourself. There's anger of course, you are only human after all, but there's so much resilience, and courage."

Dean was glad that Cas wasn't looking at him. It allowed him to wipe the silent tear from his face unnoticed. "I've never seen a soul anything like it, not even Sam's, although his soul probably comes the closest. It was impossible for me to do anything less than fall in love with your soul, Dean, and I'm blessed to have done so. Nobody will ever convince me otherwise." Dean was completely speechless. What was anybody supposed to say to hearing something like that? He'd known that Cas loved him, but for the first time, he understood _why_. Even if he couldn't bring himself to really believe everything the angel had said, it still blew his socks off just to know that Cas believed those things about him.

The Hunter looked at his angel, and tried to say something, anything, but the words just wouldn't come out. Cas just smiled at him, and lay back down with his head in Dean's lap again, eyes fixed on the television. So Dean just went back to stroking his hair, and pretending to watch the show. All he could think about was how lucky he was to have Cas in his life now, like this. There were so many things which could have gone very differently, so many times when he'd almost lost him. What if some other angel had been assigned to pull him out of Hell? Would that angel have fallen in love with him instead? Somehow he couldn't picture that happening.

What if he'd never found Emanuel? Amnesia-Cas had gotten married. Would he have settled into that life, maybe even started a family with that woman? The very idea made him shudder. "Hey, Cas? That woman you married, when you were Emanuel. Did you two ever…?" He couldn't bring himself to finish the question, but he didn't need to. Cas was getting better at understanding his subtler means of communication. "No, Dean. Sometimes she wanted to, but it made me very uncomfortable, and she didn't wish to pressure me. Perhaps some small part of me remembered that you existed, somewhere in the world, and was waiting for you to find me. You were my first."

Dean let out a breath he hadn't even realised he was holding. It was a relief to hear that. Would that have changed though, if he hadn't shown up when he did? What if he'd only gone looking for Emanuel a year later, or two years later? Would his wife really have been willing to wait for that long? Would Emanuel have given in to her, in a bid to save his marriage? He'd almost gone through with that deal with Chastity. What if Cas hadn't said that thing about her dad, and offended her? Would Dean have been able to look at him the same way afterwards? What about all of the times Cas had been restored after being killed, by Raphael and Lucifer, and whoever else? What if he'd just stayed gone? His chest ached at the thought.

"Cas, come here." The angel looked at him quizzically, but Dean helped him sit up, and pulled him around to sit between his legs, so that Castiel's back rested against Dean's chest. Dean snaked his arms around his lover, one hand splayed over his heart, the other over his flat stomach, and he firmly hugged the angel. Cas leaned his head back to rest it against Dean's shoulder, a little smile on his face. He kissed the side of Dean's neck once, then once more, before settling down. They stayed like that for three more shows, before Dean's stomach loudly reminded them that it was time for dinner.

*~X~*

Sam sighed loudly, and got off the bed. He walked to the fridge, completely naked, and got out a beer. "What do you think those two are doing, wherever they are?" Gabriel waggled his eyebrows at him from where he lay half-covered by the blankets. "Probably what we've just been doing." Sam pulled a face at him, a pained grimace. "Gabe, I really do not need those mental images." The archangel smirked at him, but inside he was worried. Sam was really anxious about how Dean was going to take the discovery of his relationship with the Trickster God, and it was Gabriel's fault for outing them to the older Winchester.

If Dean took it badly, would Sam break up with him? They'd only been together romantically for less than half a year. It wasn't like they were mated, and neither of them was pregnant. Sure, Gabriel could change that, but he didn't want Sam staying with him strictly out of a sense of obligation. That would be even more painful than just getting dumped. He'd spilled the beans because, ironically enough, he hated sneaking around with Sammy behind his brother's back. It made him feel like the big moose's dirty little secret, and that didn't sit well with him. When he'd seen his chance, found his leverage, he'd leapt at the opportunity.

The thing was, his leverage wasn't going to last forever. Soon Dean would tell Sam about Castiel's Nephil, and then Gabriel would have nothing to hold over his head anymore. He hated how much influence Dean had over Sam, almost as much as he was glad that Sam had someone other than the archangel to look out for him. The big goof got into trouble like nobody's business, he needed all the back-up he could get. The archangel just wished that his brother and Dean would come back already, and the Hunter would tell Sam that he was okay with his relationship already. Gabe didn't really think that he would be so lucky, but a guy could dream, right?

Sam finished his beer, and came to sit back down on the bed. "Gabe, can you manifest your wings, like Cas did? How come I've never seen them before?" The archangel chuckled mirthlessly. "Trust me Moose, you're not missing anything." He desperately wanted to lie, and tell Sam that archangels couldn't manifest their wings the way an ordinary angel could, but one of the first rules they'd established in their relationship had been that neither of them was allowed to outright lie to the other. "Besides, my wings are way bigger than Castiel's ones. I'm not sure they'd even fit in this room, if I stretched them out." That was true, at least. His full wing span was at least two meters wider than Castiel's was.

Sam wasn't going to let it drop that easily though. "I was really surprised that Castiel's wings weren't white. They even changed colours, I didn't know they could do that. What colour are your wings?" Gabriel sighed, but he indulged his human. "Those colours were just from angel-dust. Our wings are coated with it when they first pop out, it takes some effort to shake it off. The colours change according to our emotions, because the dust is basically made from solid Grace. Underneath it all, Castiel's wings are actually black, with a slight tinge of blue. Mine are a boring shade of brown."

Sam nodded, assimilating the new information. "You have six wings, right? Since you're an archangel?" Gabriel shrugged. "Every archangel gets three pairs. Just don't ask Lucifer about his, God ripped them off when he was exiled to Hell. They used to be black, with a blood-red tinge. Poor Cassie used to get some pretty snide comments about the similarity. Most angels have more neutral or earthy tones." Sam eyed Gabriel's shoulders, trying to picture his lover's wings. "It must be pretty tricky, flying with six wings. How long did it take you to learn?"

Gabriel smirked at the question. This one he didn't mind answering in the slightest, although it was now a slightly bitter memory. "I was a real natural. It only took me three human months to completely master flight. Most of the other archangels took more than a year. Michael took three, he was the slowest learner. Even ordinary angels with just one pair of wings still take six to eight months on average." But it had taken him fourteen months to relearn how to fly, and he still didn't dare fly during a severe storm. His old muscle memories took over in dangerous situations, instinctively trying to fly with all three pairs of wings. It just made him stumble and panic.

When he could, he used his Trickster mojo to travel rather than flying. He knew that he couldn't avoid the subject forever, that at some point he was going to have to show Sam his wings, but the longer he was able to put it off, the better. "Is it painful, making them materialize? Does it use up a lot of energy?" Gabriel rolled his eyes, but answered the question. Really, it wasn't Sam's fault he was so clueless. The poor moose was only human, after all. "It doesn't hurt, and it actually takes more energy to keep them stuffed in our Grace. We can't just go walking around amongst the hairless apes with our wings hanging out though. That might stir up a bit of a panic."

Gabriel summoned a pair of lollipops. Hopefully the candy would distract Sam, and shut him up long enough to forget all about wings. Just to make sure it worked, he could distract Sam with his tongue while the moose ate his treat. Sam took his lollipop, but instead of sticking it in his mouth, he just held it in one of those huge hands of his, staring at it, lost in thought. "Gabe? If I get a bigger room next time, will you let me see them?" He said it so quietly, so wistfully. There was a poignant longing, like a child asking the archangel to let them meet a unicorn. The whispered words were like a punch to his gut. He couldn't hide it anymore, there was no more being evasive and telling lies by omission.

Gabriel got out of bed, he'd need more space for this. He walked around to the middle of the room, standing with his back to Sam. He was glad that he didn't have to bother removing any clothes. He was nervous enough about this as it was, the last thing he needed was the process of stripping drawing this out. He took a deep breath, and let his wings slip out of his Grace. He didn't look at the limbs to see what colours they were this time, he didn't need to. He could imagine the ugly grey-brown feathers, perhaps with some blue accents. His Grace was overflowing with shame, so it was inevitable that this would be reflected in his wings. He shook the four limbs, forcefully fluffing out the feathers to shed the dust.

His angelic ears didn't miss the quiet gasp behind him, or the change is Sam's heartbeat. The human was distressed. Gabriel couldn't blame him. The sight had to be pretty disgusting. His first pair of wings jutted from his shoulders, the same way Castiel's did. His second pair connected to his back a few inches further down. His third pair should have emerged from his lower back, about a hand's width above his butt. Where his third pair of wings should have been though, there were only two short stumps. They had a few downy golden-brown feathers on them, but otherwise they were naked.

*~X~*

**AN: I'm so sorry, I'm being a little mean to Gabriel in this story. I'll give a full explanation in the next chapter. Please review, I'm dying to know what you think. *bounces with energetic anticipation***


	6. Gabriel's Sacrifice

**AN: I'm so sorry about how long this took! I find Sabriel much harder to write than Destiel, for some reason, but I wanted to do something nice for all my awesome followers and reviewers, so I persisted. I'm very glad that I made it in time for April Fool's Day, at least. Today should definitely be renamed Gabriel's Day, or Trickster's Day. :-D This chapter isn't M-rated, but the next one will be. You're welcome. ;-)**

Gabriel only had four wings left. This was why he'd had to relearn how to fly. Once, he'd been the best aerial acrobat in the entire Host, the envy of every other angel in the skies. Now, he was all but grounded, and flying was a chore rather than his favourite hobby. He had to remind himself every single day that he was lucky he still had four wings, that he wasn't completely grounded like Lucifer, or a Fallen angel. Still, his wings hung limply from his shoulders. At the time, he'd understood what he was doing, and he'd believed that it was the right thing to do. He'd been decided, determined.

He'd never thought he'd find somebody special, who might want to see him like this. Would he have made a different decision, if he'd known? Well, there was no point in wondering that now. He was glad he had his back turned to Sam. He didn't want to see the disgust on his face, or the pity. He didn't want Sam to see his tears. Gabe flinched when strong arms wrapped firmly around him from behind, pulling him against a broad, muscular chest. "You lied about your wings, Gabe. They are definitely not 'a boring shade of brown'. They're gorgeous. An eagle would be green with envy at the sight of them." He was right about that, Gabriel's wings were incredibly beautiful.

The feathers nearest to the shoulders, the Scapulars, were a pure, metallic gold. The shorter feathers on the leading edge of each wing, the Marginal Coverts, were a pale honey-brown, with golden tips. The small feathers where the wings bent, the Alulae, were pure white. The medium-length feathers in the middle of each wing, the Primary and Secondary Coverts, were a rich, chocolate brown. The end of each one had about a dozen fine gold bars, bright and metallic. The much longer feathers on the lower half of each wing, the Primaries and the Secondaries, were a far darker, coffee brown. These had prominent gold bars, and pitch black tips. The Tertiaries were pitch black, with fine gold speckles.

Gabriel shuddered, tensely waiting for Sam to say something, to ask about what had happened, but the Hunter said nothing. Sam just held him, kissing the top of his head the same way he'd done a thousand times before. The only difference now was that the bases of his wings were pressed between them. Sam's body heat was warming the downy feathers on his shoulders; it was a remarkably soothing sensation. When Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his chest rubbed against the protruding joints, his skin stroked against the feathers, sending shivers up and down Gabriel's spine. Somehow, even though Sam hadn't asked him, that actually made it easier for him to tell his story.

It was a long one, a speech he'd practiced at least a dozen times in his head, but he'd never known how to bring it up. Gabe had never wanted to. "I spent millions of years, living and working alongside my brothers, and loving them with all of my Grace. But, after Luci got evicted, I had to watch while Michael's anger got stronger, poisonous. He started planning an Apocalypse, just to get a chance to kick Lucifer's ass, and Dad just ignored it. I couldn't do it Sam, I didn't want any part of it. So I ran away, and hid on Earth. For close to three thousand years I did nothing but indulge myself."

Sam grimaced, thinking of the scantily-clad women he'd often seen with the Trickster, but he didn't say anything. The god had stopped summoning those long before the two of them had started getting closer. Gabe still had a wicked sweet-tooth, but that Sam didn't mind so much, even if just watching him was enough to make his teeth hurt sometimes. "Then, I met you guys. I learnt about Michael's plans for you and Dean. I kept my eyes on the pair of you, and I saw how determined you were to save Dean, and I hated you. I resented your determination, especially when I knew it was pointless. There's no way to undo a demon deal."

Sam shuddered, no doubt remembering the way Dean had been mauled to death by the hellhounds, but he didn't interrupt. "I wanted to teach you a lesson, so I put your Tuesdays on 'repeat' for four months. I made you watch Dean die, helpless to protect him, every single day. When that didn't get it through your thick skull, I made you live without him for four months. I tried to get you to forget about your brother, to live for yourself, frivolously, the same way I had been. I used every trick I knew, but nothing got through to you. After all of that, you still refused to give up on Dean."

Gabe couldn't see Sam's expression, but the Hunter was smiling sadly at the memory. He'd been so single-minded, so sure. He'd also been so wrong. In the end, he'd been helpless to save his brother, just as Gabriel had said he'd be. "I resented you even more after that, and admired you, and hated myself. I couldn't save Michael or Lucifer. I barely even tried, and when I failed them, I just gave up without a hint of hesitation. I went home that day, and I smashed every mirror in my den. When Dean died despite your best efforts, and then later you unintentionally broke the last seal and let Luci out... God help me, but I felt relieved."

Sam stiffened at the reminders of two of the worst days of his life, but he didn't interrupt. "All I could think was, 'He's not that much better than you. All of his determination didn't get him anywhere, it just made him suffer. Running away like I did wasn't the same thing as failing.' I wasn't in any hurry to fix the mirrors, but still... I'd been keeping an eye on you from the moment we first met, so I could see you and Dean fighting the angels, refusing to accept your roles as vessels. I wanted to put you in your places, to force you to accept your weakness, your helplessness. I desperately wanted to rub your noses in your flawed humanity."

Gabriel shook his head at the memory, disgusted with his old self. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to really forgive who he'd been back then. All he could do now was thank his Father every single day for sending him Sam Winchester. "I trapped you both in TV land, and kept Castiel out of the way. I was totally convinced that you'd eventually give in. You had to know by then that no amount of resolve was going to fix the Apocalypse, that you just weren't strong enough. But you proved me wrong again. Dean figured out that I was an angel, and forced me into a corner. The three of you escaped. _I_ was the one who got taught a lesson."

Sam held him a little tighter, rubbing calming circles into his bare skin. Gabriel slowly relaxed against him, but his teeth were still tightly clenched. His story was nowhere near finished yet. "You were more of a brother to me than an angel, that day. You asked me if there was something that could be done to stop it, you offered me a helping hand. Even if you weren't really doing it for me, that didn't matter. You hadn't changed at all, you hadn't lost your faith in yourself and Dean to end the Apocalypse. Even if you hadn't had any success so far, you still didn't doubt. I spent weeks thinking about what Dean said that day."

Gabriel sighed heavily, and stretched his wings back as far as they would go, until they wrapped around Sam and the tips brushed together behind him. "I meant it when I said that I just wanted it to be over, but Dean was right about me being afraid to stand up to Michael and Lucifer. I was so tired of running away, Sam. I wanted to be better than that; I wanted to be courageous like you. But I'm not a fool. I know when I'm outmatched. Luci taught me everything I ever learnt about being an archangel, and at least half of the stuff I needed to know to become Loki when I left Heaven. There was never any way I was going to beat him."

Sam didn't argue with Gabe, the archangel would know something like that far better than _he_ would. "I needed him to think he had won though, so I could help from the sidelines without having a target on my back. I had to make a clone which was so realistic, that even Luci wouldn't recognise the difference. I had no choice but to put some of my Grace in the clone. Not much, of course, but let's just say that I don't remember much about the Cretaceous these days. There was only one thing it was missing. With a normal angel, when you kill them their wings leave that black imprint, like a scorch mark. You've seen it before, right?"

Sam nodded subtly against his shoulder, and kissed Gabriel's head again. He was starting to see where Gabe was going with this story, and the thought was turning his stomach. "When an Archangel like Raphael is killed, all three pairs of wings leave an imprint. It's easy enough for a human to miss, but an angel would be able to spot the difference a mile away. If my clone didn't leave any wing imprint, everyone would immediately know that I wasn't really dead. I… I ripped out my third pair, and put them on the clone. I've never even imagined so much pain, I lost consciousness for… It was _days_ before I came to."

Sam shuddered; he hated knowing that Gabriel had suffered. "I picked the third pair because they're the smallest, but… they still hurt sometimes, even though they aren't there anymore. I thought only humans got 'ghost pains'. It was a long shot, I should have left the impression of three sets of wings, not one, but I couldn't transfer all of my wings. I couldn't be grounded like that. The only thing I can imagine being worse than death would be existing for the rest of time without ever feeling the air rushing through my feathers again. I figured Lucifer would assume that I'd been demoted when I left Heaven, or thrown away some of my Grace so I could hide from the Host easier, or… I don't know."

Gabriel was trembling again, his feathers quivering against Sam's sides and back. He'd never felt so warm or safe before. Sam wasn't sure if that was just because he was wrapped in an angel's wings, or if it was because they were Gabriel's wings specifically. "Either way, Lucifer is an arrogant bastard. He'd believe that he'd killed me, and so would everybody else. It worked, they bought it. Those wings are toast now, I knew that I was never going to get them back. At the time, that didn't really matter to me. I figured it would be worth it, even having to learn how to fly all over again. I was determined, for the first time in my life. I wasn't running away anymore, I was standing and fighting a battle I knew I couldn't win."

Sam didn't point out how much the thought of that terrified him. If it came down to saving the world or saving his own ass, he knew which one he'd do, no matter how much it would undoubtedly hurt his lover. "I didn't regret it, and I don't think I ever really will. It's just… knowing what I must look like to you now… I never thought I'd find someone I'd want to reveal my wings to, but I did, and now all I have to show you is four wings and two scars. I'm damaged, Sam, and I never wanted you to see me like this. That's why I've never shown you my wings before."

Sam sighed, his breath stuttering with emotion. He buried his nose in Gabriel's soft brown hair, and breathed deeply. "Gabe, we all have scars from the Apocalypse. Some of them run deeper than others, but none of us are really whole anymore. Dean is carrying around the memories of torturing souls in Hell for thirty years. Cas is dealing with the guilt of everything he did when he was God, and the things those Leviathan made him do. I've got cracks in my sanity. Just because your scars are more visual, that doesn't change anything. None of us is perfect, but our scars are nothing to be ashamed of."

Gabriel's breath hitched, and he pushed back against Sam, wrapping his wings tighter around the Hunter. "We got these scars because we chose to fight for something we believed in, something good. They're reminders of our courage and sacrifice. I'm sorry you had to go through that Gabe, I would never wish for you to experience that pain. But, I'm also really proud of you, and I love you. I'm really glad that you showed me your wings. They're beautiful; I had no idea just how impressive they'd be. They were worth the wait." Gabriel smiled a little through his tears, and brought his first pair of wings forward to puff them out and give Sam an eyeful.

He'd always been a little vain about them. Not many angels, even archangels, had proper gold or silver in their feathers, let alone in the quantities his displayed. "If there's anything I can do to help, or make things better for you, all you've got to do is let me know. If I ever need help with the mess in my head, you'll be the first person I'll tell. What do you say? Do we have a deal?" Gabriel folded his wings tightly against his sides in a split second, turned around in Sam's arms, wrapped his arms around the Hunter, and pulled his wings around the both of them. He pulled Sam tight against him, using just a drop of his supernatural strength. "Deal."

Sam didn't complain about losing his ability to breathe. He held his breath for half a minute, and just as he'd predicted, Gabriel loosened his hold enough for him to pull fresh air into his lungs. It wasn't the first time Gabe had hugged him that way, the archangel was surprisingly fond of 'bear hugs'. Sam would never tell Dean, but he rather liked them too. They made him feel impossibly precious, and he regularly did his best to return the gesture to his lover. He didn't let his lack of the angelic power needed to inhibit Gabe's ability to inhale discourage him. Sam hugged Gabriel back, but the archangel flinched and pulled away. "I wasn't built to fly with four wings, so every time I practice it messes up my back."

Sam gave him a worried look. Seriously, all his moose ever did was worry about everyone. It was absolutely adorable. "Those muscles are one big knot right now. I could have made a clone to fix it, but I didn't want anybody but you to put their hands on me. Do you think you could give me a hand?" Sam smirked at Gabe, laughter dancing in his eyes. "I can do better than that, Babe. I'll give you _both_ my hands." Gabriel snorted at the lame line. He loved how cheesy Sam could be sometimes. Unwrapping his arms and wings from around Sam's waist, the archangel moved over to the bed, lying down on his front. It only took a snap of his fingers to summon a variety of massage oils onto the small bedside table.

Even though it would probably take far more to hurt Gabriel, Sam was always very aware of just how tall he was, and thus how much he weighed. He never rested too much weight on any one point of Gabe's body. When he straddled the tops of Gabriel's thighs with a small bottle of Sandalwood oil in his right hand, he folded his legs on either side of the archangel. Most of his weight rested on his knees and ankles. The position was a little bit uncomfortable, but still preferable to unintentionally bruising his lover. Gabe huffed and snapped his fingers again. Suddenly the mattress was a very high-quality pocket-coil model which was far more likely to be found in a penthouse suite than the ratty motel they were in.

The new mattress took some of the pressure off of Sam's legs. Sam leant forward and rewarded Gabe with a chaste kiss to the back of his neck. The archangel lay on his front, resting his torso on a plump pillow which he'd turned sideways. His arms were folded under the pillow, and his head lay on the pillow above his arms. Sam popped the cap off of the small bottle of oil he held, and was about to pour some onto his hands, when a subtle, oddly familiar scent reached his nose. "Gabe, is this Sandalwood oil mixed with _holy_ oil? Isn't that stuff dangerous for angels?"

Gabriel chuckled, turning his head to look up at his lover. "It's only dangerous when it's used to draw sigils, or set alight. Trust me, it'll make a lot more sense by the end of this massage." Sam shrugged, applied the oil, and set to work. He smiled absentmindedly at the little sounds of contentment and pleasure coming from his lover. Each time Gabe groaned as a deep and painful knot was worked out, Sam smirked with satisfaction. For the most part though, his mind was elsewhere. "Gabe, I think there's something Dean isn't telling me." The archangel raised an inquiring eyebrow, even though Sam wasn't looking at his face.

The Hunter answered him anyway. "I know that Dean has had a lot to deal with lately. Starting a relationship with Cas was a really big move for him, and now Cas is sick... He was really vague though, about what Cas is sick with. That's not like him." Gabriel hummed vaguely, and squirmed. He really didn't want to get Molotoved, and Dean wasn't the sort to make threats lightly. "Finding out that I'm more than friendly with you must have been a huge shock for him, too. Still, he's been through way worse than that, and he's never run off like this before."

Gabriel desperately tried to think of a way to inconspicuously end this conversation, but came up blank. "Even when he found out that I was involved with Ruby, he faced it head-on. When there was that thing with Jimmy, and he found out I was still drinking demon blood, he dealt with it immediately. I know that being with you is nowhere near the same thing. I mean, you're one of the good guys. Dean hasn't forgotten the trouble you caused us before, though." Gabriel tensed up at the reminder. He really didn't want to be thinking about the grudge Dean had against him.

Dean was never nasty about it; mostly he just avoided Gabe, or ignored him. None of them ever talked about it, and Gabe wanted to keep it that way, but he was pretty sure that he wasn't going to be so lucky. Sam's hands stilled when he felt the archangel stiffen, so he wouldn't hurt him, but he didn't stop talking. He really needed to get his concerns off his chest. "I'm sure that when he gets back, Dean's going to be really pissed, and shout himself hoarse. I'm ready for that eventuality; I have been from the first time I kissed you. What I never expected was him running off like this. I don't get it, and I don't like it."

Gabe rolled half onto his side, so he could watch Sam without getting a crick in his neck. "The only thing I can think of is that he isn't telling me just how sick Castiel is. What if he's actually dying, and Dean hasn't told me because he doesn't want me worrying about it? It would be just like my brother to try to fix it all on his own. I'm worried about both of them. What should I do, Gabe? I mean, there probably isn't anything I can do until they get back, but what if they've run off so Dean can fight some badass monster like Azazel to win one wish and cure Cas, or something like that? What if he's in danger, and he's hiding it from me? It wouldn't be the first time he's done that."

Gabriel sighed loudly. Loving an imaginative worrywart occasionally had its drawbacks. "Sam, I know what's wrong with Castiel. I found out by accident, and Dean didn't want me saying anything to you until he's had a chance to do that himself, so I've been sworn to secrecy. I can't tell you anything specific, but I promise you that Cas isn't dying, and Dean isn't in horrible danger. They're both just having a regular holiday, and Cas is going to be just fine in about two months. I want to tell you everything, I really do, but it isn't my secret to tell, and Dean would do very painful things to me if I did."

Sam was relieved to have his theories vetoed, even if he didn't like being left out of the loop. If Dean hadn't told him yet, there must be a reason for that. It was enough to know that his brother did intend to tell him at some point. "Trust me Moose, if my baby brother was dying, I would have said something to you about it. That isn't something I could be calm about." The young Winchester beamed at his lover and leant closer to resume the massage, but he paused when Gabe's hesitant question sank in. "Sam, if Dean asks you to stop seeing me, what will you do?" Sam reached down and ran his hand firmly up Gabriel's spine.

The archangel shuddered, lying back down on his pillow with a quiet purr. "If Dean tries to pull a stunt like that, I'll tell him to go screw himself. He can dream all he wants to, but I'm not giving up on us that easily. You aren't the only one of us who has made bad choices. The important thing is that you're with us now. You've fought just as hard, and sacrificed just as much as any of the rest of us. There is nothing Dean could say which would convince me to break up with you. Sorry, but I'm afraid you're stuck with me." Gabriel smiled to himself, and relaxed into Sam's touch.

His entire back was numb and tingling from the treatment, he'd have to make sure he got rid of the toxins which those knots had released into his vessel's system. The last thing he wanted was to get sick; Sam had more than enough to worry about already. His Grace would be able to take care of it, and he'd take some antioxidants before he went to bed, just to be sure. "Is it okay if I… Can I touch them?" Gabriel smirked. They were finally getting to the good part. "Of course you can, honey-moose, you don't even have to ask. Just keep in mind that those bones are hollow, and they don't heal instantly like my vessel does."

Sam leant forward, gently gripped the edge of Gabe's right first-pair wing between the elbow and wrist joints, and chastely kissed the delicate muscles just below the elbow joint. Gabriel shivered, and the three digits on each wing splayed out. "You felt that?" The archangel nodded. "Our wings have more nerve endings than a cat's tongue. Think weather balloons on steroids. I've never let anyone touch them before, not even a summon." Sam's back straightened as he grinned, puffing up with pride. Slowly and deliberately, Sam started at the base of each wing, and worked his way to the wrist joints, placing chaste kisses on the soft, fluffy feathers.

**AN: This is my first real foray into Sabriel, and I keep getting this awful suspicion that I'm making Sam and Gabe OOC. Please review, and let me know what you think! I could really use some free hugs. Also, to any of you who have a Tumb1r account, I'd like to wish you a very happy Mishapocalypse. ;-)**


	7. Short Author's Note, please read!

Okay, first I just want to thank you for reading this. There was a (sadly anonymous) reviewer who pointed out to me that in the first paragraph of Chapter One, I accidentally said that Sam had trapped Lucifer and _Gabriel_, instead of Lucifer and_ Michael._ I must have had Gabe on my mind, lol. *sheepish smile*. That's the first thing I've gone back and fixed. There were a few tiny errors like using two "" where there should have only been one, little stuff like that, which I noticed when I was re-reading the posted chapters, I've tried to fix most of these too.

Most importantly, and I am eternally ashamed to admit this, I didn't do my homework as carefully as I should have. Several times in this story, I've referred to Castiel's baby as a 'Nephalim'. Not only is this misspelled, (it should be Nephilim), but I've also been using the plural version for a single child. I should be calling it a 'Nephil'. I've gone back and fixed this.

I want to make it very clear that I LOVE getting reviews pointing out mistakes! It's very difficult for me to spot them when my tricky brain knows what is _supposed_ to be there, and fixes it while I'm reading without me even realising what's happening. I hate having errors in my work, no matter how big or small. When you tell me about them, that gives me a chance to fix it, like I've done now. I am very, very grateful for corrective reviews, and if you can send them from your account rather than anonymously, I will send you a personal 'Thank you!' via both PM and in the AN of the next chapter I post. I really love you guys!

Speaking of the next chapter, I'm hoping to get it done and posted within a week. Sabriel is still a bit tough for me to write though, so it might be more like ten days. I'll do my best! Thank you all so much for your support, I was really worried about Gabe's chapter. You guys are all awesome, both my reviewers and my silent readers. Please collect your free hugs on the way out. ;-)


	8. Gabriel's Flavour

**AN: I'm so sorry about how late this is! I've been having technical difficulties for the last couple of weeks, no internet access. The good news is, first of all this is an M-rated Sabriel chapter! Yays! And even better, the next chapter is typed up and ready for posting, and the chapter after that is already half finished! The more reviews I get for this chapter, the sooner I'll be tempted to update. ;-)**

Sam had to be careful, because sometimes a tiny feather would stick and come away on his lips. He'd have to pull it off, or risk accidentally breathing it in. Gabriel had settled into the mattress, pliant and languid, purring like a contented cat having his ears stroked. After a minute, Sam found an odd lump on Gabriel's left, second-pair wing. It was hard and smooth, like a malformation of the bone. "What happened here, Gabe?" The Trickster sighed quietly, but he answered without hesitation. "When I left Heaven, Michael almost caught me. He tried to stop me by grabbing my wing, and the bone snapped. All he got was feathers, though. A few got ripped out, but I managed to get away." The archangel gave a nonchalant half-shrug.

Sam hissed, promising himself that if Michael ever got out of the Cage, he'd beat the shit out of that asshole. "When I landed… Well, for the first century or so I was terrified that the second I let my wings out I'd be surrounded by every archangel in the Host, so the break healed badly. It doesn't affect my ability to fly or anything. I'd actually forgotten it was even there." Sam kissed the protrusion three times before moving on down the wing. When he was finished worshipping his lover's wings, Sam started carefully massaging them, just like he'd done Gabriel's back. Between gentle squeezes and firm rubs, he'd run his fingers through the soft feathers, occasionally tugging at them playfully.

The wings were enormous; if they'd been properly spread out Sam wouldn't have even been able to reach to the elbow joints. The only reason he was able to do so now was because Gabriel was keeping them folded close enough to his body for the tall Hunter to reach. Very slowly, oil started to seep out from the roots of his feathers, darkening his Scapulars and Marginal Coverts like a coat of varnish. It took a few minutes for Sam to notice, because of how focused he was on the task he'd set for himself, but the situation became pretty difficult to ignore when he kissed one of Gabe's Alulae and came away with a slick moisture on his lips.

The archangel watched out of the corner of his golden eyes as Sam curiously licked the honey-coloured substance. Gabriel groaned at the sight, impossibly turned on by the way Sam's eyes widened in surprise at the taste, and then lent forward to lick more of it from his wing. "Gabe, what is this stuff coming out of your wings? It tastes like really high-quality maple syrup, mixed with cinnamon. It's fantastic!" The angel snorted at the description. The stuff might always smell the same, but every angel's oil tasted slightly different. Gabe had never really thought about what his own flavour might be, but trust his oil to taste sweet.

Sam was shamelessly licking his wings now, and gently sucking on them, making Gabe's whole body shudder and flush with arousal. The Hunter's ministrations were drawing all sorts of delicious sounds from his archangel's throat, from quiet gasps and moans, to gravelly purrs. After a few minutes of this, Gabriel growled at the teasing, pushing his hips into the mattress out of sheer frustration. His breathing was starting to become laboured. "Watch it, Samsquatch. You're playing with fire back there." Sam just snickered, and tugged his handful of Primaries a little harder. With a snarl, Gabriel disappeared from under him.

Suddenly the archangel was behind him, roughly pushing Sam forward with a hand between his shoulder-blades. The Hunter instinctively grabbed at the headboard to break his fall. When he looked up there was a mirror in front of him which he was pretty sure hadn't been there a minute ago, and he blushed bright pink, knowing what was coming next. Whenever they used this position, Gabriel always conjured a mirror so he'd be able to see Sam's face when he came. Gabe was surprisingly romantic like that. Or he was just kinky. The archangel gripped his legs just above his knees, and slowly pushed them forward, simultaneously pulling them apart, and forcing Sam's hips lower.

Gabriel didn't top often, but they'd been doing this long enough that Sam's thigh muscles had turned to steel. There were a few minor downsides to their considerable height difference, but neither of them minded it very much. The sex was still incredible. Gabe didn't waste any time. He leant forward over Sam's back, kissing and nipping at the warm skin just below his shoulder-blades. The area wasn't as sensitive for Sam as it would be for an angel, but his moose still enjoyed the attention. Gabe wrapped an arm around Sam's waist, finding the Hunter's already fully erect length, and started slowly pumping him with loose, teasing strokes. It was more distracting than pleasurable, really.

Gabe's other hand caressed and rubbed the muscles in Sam's lower back, gradually getting them to relax. Given how glued to his brother Dean tended to be, they didn't often have the time for it. But, when they had the chance to be alone together for a few hours, Gabriel took great pleasure in teasing Sam until he was a quivering mass of nerve-endings. He made the Hunter spark all over the place, until Sam was practically rabid with the need to take him. Gabe had no qualms about making use of toys either, and Sam had been surprisingly accommodating of his kinks. This time, the archangel was already too aroused for that. He needed to be inside his lover, as soon as possible.

The first time he'd shown an interest in topping Sam, the young Winchester had been amusingly startled for a few seconds, and then he'd taken a minute to silently consider it. He nodded to himself, then looked back at Gabriel, shrugged, and said "You seem to thoroughly enjoy it. Why not give it a try?" After that first time, Sam had been reluctant to offer any opinion on it, but eventually he'd caved in, and admitted that he preferred being a top. Gabriel still couldn't understand why Sam had said it with a tone of voice which made it sound like he was twelve years old, and admitting to having disregarded the 'no tossing projectiles around indoors' rule, and broken a window.

Sam had even looked braced for a scolding, or at least a disapproving glare. It was hardly a surprise to Gabe that Sam was more of a top, he'd more or less figured that one out already. Even though Sam was the more dominant one, and Gabriel tended to be more laid-back, on the semi-regular occasions when Gabe wanted to top, Sam never questioned it or complained. The Hunter let Gabe have him, and he enjoyed it almost as much as Gabriel did. To make it up to Sam, topping him almost always meant that they were only on round one of what was going to be a marathon of debauchery. This time was no different. After carefully preparing him, using his own oil for lube, Gabriel slowly entered Sam, biting back a moan.

Sam grunted quietly with discomfort. He never really got used to the strange sensation of being filled, and it made him very nervous to be getting fucked by an archangel. It wasn't that he was scared Gabe would mistreat him or anything, far from it. He trusted Gabriel with his life, and certainly with his body. The trouble was, somehow being screwed by an angel seemed far more blasphemous than being the one doing the screwing. It didn't make much sense to him, but that was just how it was. He kept waiting to get smited by the hand of God or something.

Maybe it had something to do with the concept of sex being a way to worship your lover's body? Like, he was supposed to be worshipping his angel, and not the other way around? The thought of an archangel worshiping him in any way, shape, or form made him feel queasy. He was Sam Winchester, the demon Azazel's pet project, an ex-blood-junkie, and Lucifer's vessel. He'd said yes, and spent a year in the Cage. He was tainted and damaged, he always would be. He didn't deserve Gabriel as it was, even without the archangel doing his very best to bring Sam as much pleasure as he could. Nothing should be worshipping him.

The only reason Sam didn't tell Gabriel any of this, didn't ask him not to top, was because he was even more scared that Gabriel was eventually going to get bored of his Hunter, and leave him. He knew Gabe loved him, the archangel had told him as much many times before, but on the nights when he was alone in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, he couldn't help but think unpleasant thoughts. For two thousand years, when Gabriel had been hiding out as Loki, he'd done little more than indulge himself in alcohol, killing the scum of humanity in inventive and ironic ways, and debauchery. It was the debauchery part which got to him.

Sam had been with experienced lovers once or twice, but Gabriel took 'experienced' to a whole new level, and Sam would be lying if he said that this fact didn't intimidate him. The Hunter had no doubt whatsoever that Loki had tried every position in and out of the Karma Sutra, used every toy ever invented, and most likely role-played every fantasy he might have had a whim for. Sam was a normal guy. He was confident, and didn't mind being a little adventurous in bed, but all he really knew was how to have normal sex. He would go to great lengths to make it as pleasurable as possible for his partner, and was always very attentive, but compared to Gabriel he might as well be a fumbling virgin. It was nerve-wracking.

There was just no way for him to tell Gabriel about his insecurities, they were far too embarrassing. He felt like an idiot for having them at all. Gabe loved him, and wanted to be with him, and it had nothing to do with sex. But still, he couldn't help but dwell on just how easily the former Trickster tended to get bored. Boredom had been how their little affair had started, to begin with. How long would it take for Gabriel to lose interest in him? If he could turn his back on his family, how hard would it be for him to turn his back on Sam? It wasn't a fair question, and he'd never even think of asking it aloud, but it still haunted him.

Gabriel noticed the distant, contemplative look in Sam's eyes, and slapped the Hunter's ass to gain his attention. "Sorry, Samsquatch, am I boring you?" Sam could see his smirk in the mirror above the bed, but lurking in the back of his golden eyes, and in the tone of his playful voice, was a hint of uncertainty. Sam silently cursed, and fought the urge to kick himself. Of all the times for his mind to go wondering, he never thought he'd get distracted while Gabriel was making love to him. Sometimes he genuinely wondered whether or not he might have ADD. "Sorry babe, I didn't mean to be rude. You know me, I'm always thinking too much. Sometimes I give myself a headache."

The archangel's expression subtly softened. He knew for a fact that one downside of being as intelligent as Sam was, was that the human often had trouble shutting his brain down long enough to relax. It was one of the reasons why clever people were more prone to depression. "Want me to switch your mind off for you?" Coming from Loki, that question probably should have scared Sam, but he understood what his lover meant. Gabriel was basically just offering to fuck his brains out, until he couldn't think straight even if he tried. It was a very welcome offer. "Please, make it so that the only thing I can remember is your name."

The pupils of Gabriel's dark eyes dilated even further as he grinned, gripping Sam's hips with both hands. "You might want to hold on tight, then. This ride is about to get a little bumpy." Sam rolled his eyes at the corny innuendo, even as it made him smile. That first round was wild and rough, leaving them both panting for air. Gabriel mercilessly wound him up, staving off Sam's orgasm with a tight fist at the base of his cock, making him moan and beg for release. When all he could do was brokenly chant Gabriel's name, the archangel finally took pity on him, letting go of his cock and pounding into him four more times, hitting his prostate with every thrust.

They came together, tightly curled against each other, their eyes meeting in the mirror. Gabriel's wings stretched out, tense and trembling with his orgasm, before wrapping gently around the two of them. His feathers were so soft and warm, Sam passed out with a contented smile on his lips. They only slept for two hours before Sam stirred again, ready for round two. With a warm smile, he kissed Gabriel's face until the shorter man's eye's fluttered open. The archangel didn't need to sleep, but he could when he wanted to, and he felt safe with Sam. Besides, falling asleep meant he got to experience being woken up with kisses, or occasionally with blowjobs. They both lost count of how many rounds they'd gone that day.

~X~

On the third day of their vacation, Dean woke up to the sound of retching. He cringed, and followed the sound to their small en-suite bathroom. Castiel was on his knees, with his head over the toilet. With his short hair, Dean didn't need to hold it away from his face. Instead, he wet a facecloth with hot water in the sink, and wrung it out until it was only damp. He patiently waited for Cas to finish so he could gently clean his sweat off. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Castiel looked tired and miserable. The angel heaved a sigh, then shook his head. "I don't know. Would those pills you gave me when I had that hangover work for morning sickness?"

Dean winced. He hated thinking about Cas taking pills. Besides, was that even safe now that the angel was pregnant? Dean decided to tell a small lie. "Sorry Cas, those pills are strictly for hangovers. I could get you some crackers, though. My mom used to eat those a lot when she was expecting Sammy. Dad said they helped settle her stomach." Castiel raised a sceptical eyebrow, but he was desperate for the painfully human nausea to go away, so he nodded his acquiescence. "If you think it will help, I am willing to try." It took twenty minutes for Dean to go downstairs, get directions to the nearest convenience store, drive there, buy a basketful of different brands of crackers in a variety of flavours, and drive back.

When Cas was feeling better, they sat curled together on the sofa. "So, you're definitely pregnant then?" Cas sent him a 'That is not amusing, Dean' sort of glare. "Yes, Dean." Dean nodded, colouring slightly from the admonishment. He thought for a minute before asking another question. "That vampire chick, the blonde, if her knife had got you, would that really have hurt the baby?" Cas blanched at the memory. "Hey, it's okay. You protected the kid, you did good. The baby is fine now, right?" The angel didn't relax. He gritted his teeth, anger flaring in his eyes, but Dean could tell it wasn't directed at him. "What's wrong, Cas?"

The angel huffed. "I was foolish to put our Nephil in danger like that. Smiting those creatures used up far more Grace than I should be expending in my condition." Dean's frown deepened, worry creasing his brow. "You're both okay though, right? There wasn't any lasting damage?" Cas shook his head. "We're alright, but I will definitely be avoiding all vampire nests for the next thirty-one weeks." The angel stayed tense, but Dean didn't push the issue. Castiel would tell him whatever it was the angel was holding back when he was good and ready. "You keep calling the kid that, a Nephil. What is a Nephil, exactly?"

Cas nodded, he'd clearly been waiting for Dean to ask that question. "A Nephil is just a half-angel, half-human child. They've existed before. You've even met some of them, although I doubt you would have known it at the time." Dean's eyebrows rose halfway to his hairline with surprise at that news. "Really? Do you know who?" Castiel nodded, and shifted nervously. Clearly he didn't think Dean would be happy with whatever he was about to say. "Azazel was one, and Crowley." Dean blanched. "Azazel and Crowley were Nephil? How come me and Sam have never heard about this before?"

Cas spoke quickly, his tone reassuring. He didn't want Dean to be upset. "The plural is Nephilim, Dean, and yes, they were. You need not look so worried, our child will not become like them. It's something of a long story, but I feel I should explain this from the beginning. A few thousand years ago, an angel named Shemihaza led a small rebellion. He believed that humans should serve the angels with their bodies. His plans involved producing as many Nephilim as possible, and using his small army to overthrow Heaven. It was extremely foolhardy and poorly thought out, especially considering that our Father was much more hands-on with us back then. It didn't take Him long to see what was happening."

Dean listened raptly, his expressive face telling Castiel every thought his words inspired. The Hunter was particularly curious about God's reaction to one of his sons messing with his favourite creations. "He ordered Uriel to condemn Shemihaza and his followers to spend the rest of eternity in Tartarus. You would know it better as 'Lucifer's Cage'. They even got their wings ripped off, like Lucifer's were." Dean flinched, and glanced at Castiel's shoulders. He'd kill anybody who ever tried to do anything like that to his angel's beautiful wings. "As for the Nephilim, He had most of them destroyed by Gabriel, who was ordered to make them go to war with each other."

Dean growled at that, and shot a protective look at Castiel's middle. The angel smiled at that. "Gabriel mostly only agreed to it because he thought death would be a kindness for them, although he didn't like the violence. He would have been happier to kill them himself, painlessly, but he wasn't about to disregard a direct order from our Father. God permitted some of the Nephilim to live; fifteen of them. They had a part to play in His grand plan I suppose, just like everyone else. Most of those Nephilim died over the centuries, but two persisted."

Dean nodded, his face grim. "You're sure there were only those two left?" Cas nodded, his eyes brimming with certainty. "Azazel was one of Shemihaza's three sons, but back then his name was Razael. Shemihaza named him after the archangel Raziel. Lucifer gave him the name Azazel after he'd wiped his memories of his life as a Nephil. He wanted Razael to believe that he was a fallen angel, like Lucifer, and it worked because of the powers he had as a Nephil. Crowley was the son of Shemihaza's favourite brother, the true Azazel, although he never knew the name of his father."

Dean looked away, chewing the inside of his cheek contemplatively. "So, is that why the Nephilim turned into monsters, because their fathers were douchebags?" Cas smirked dryly at the Hunter's phrasing. "That's part of it, I believe. If they hadn't rebelled, then the Nephilim never would have existed. The true problem though, is that their fathers were condemned before most of the Nephilim were even born. It would have appeared to the humans that their mothers were having children outside of wedlock. That is something which was heavily frowned upon back then, often it was even illegal."

That news didn't shock Dean, he already knew that there hadn't been much in the way of women's rights before the last century or so. "Without the protection of their Nephil's Grace, many of those women would have been killed as soon as their pregnancy started showing. The Nephilim were ostracized and tormented from the moment of their birth, Dean. They also had nobody to teach them how to use their Grace, or how to control it. It's hardly surprising that after being offered the worst of humanity for several centuries, they'd become less inclined to use their power for the good of mankind."

It was sad, but Dean couldn't argue with that. "There were also many creatures and demons who were quite happy to take advantage of the disillusioned Nephilim, such as Lucifer and Lilith. They twisted and tainted the Nephilim into monsters, but no Nephil is born evil, Dean. It won't be like that with our child. Our Nephil will have a family, and know love. I'm not saying they'll never meet a bully, especially given a Nephil's considerably extended lifespan, but our baby will be far more accepted by modern society than the original Nephilim ever had a chance of being."

Dean nodded, smiling, before a worrying thought struck him. "You don't think God is suddenly going to decide to start giving a shit about the angels again, and toss you in the Cage with Shemihaza and his buddies for this, do you?" Castiel shuddered, remembering what he'd glimpsed of Tartarus when he'd gone to pull Sam's body from it. "I certainly hope not. If that is the case though, then I know Gabriel at least would be willing to step in." Dean nodded. Even if Gabriel had been ordered to off the Nephilim once, he hadn't been God's bitch for a very long time. "Don't forget me, Cas. If anything happens to you, I won't stop until I find a way to bring you home."

Cas nodded, smiling. "Thank you, Dean. That means a great deal to me. I just really hope it doesn't come to that." Dean blushed a little, and turned his face away so Cas wouldn't catch him at it. "Sam would help out too, you know. You're his friend." Cas nodded, and snuggled against him until Dean turned and wrapped his arms around him. Cuddling on the sofa had become a habit of theirs, not that Dean would ever let Sam find out about that. This time, Dean tentatively rested his hands on Castiel's flat stomach, gently stroking his bare skin with the tips of his fingers. He could have sworn he hear Cas purr.

~X~

After five days of being in the same place and having no objective to think about, Dean had started going a bit stir-crazy, and decided it was time to face the world again. The first thing he did when he got back was kick Gabriel out of Sam's motel room so they could have that private discussion he'd been meaning to have with his little brother. He didn't bother wasting time with preamble. "Sam, why didn't you just tell me? I thought we promised no more secrets?" Sam spluttered, so incredulous that he was literally speechless. "Seriously, Dean, you're really asking me that? You are the king of holding grudges, Dean."

When the older Winchester just raised an eyebrow, Sam elaborated. "When you're in a good mood, you make jokes at Gabe's expense. When you couldn't be bothered, you completely ignore him. When you're in a bad mood, you snipe at him and take all your frustrations out on him. Gabe does his best to pretend that he doesn't care, but you're my brother. Of course he cares what you think of him. I try telling you to cut it out, that it's not cool to treat him that way. Most of the time you have enough sense to just shut up, but you never really take me seriously. A few days later you'll be right back at it again. You never show any remorse."

Dean snorted. "Gee, I wonder why that is, Sammy. Oh yeah, it's because Gabriel's a feathery douchebag. You still should have told me Sammy, I'm your brother!" Sam glared at him. "I was going to tell you eventually, but I wanted to wait until you'd warmed up to Gabe a little bit first. I didn't want to be standing there with you yelling at him, and threatening him with holy fire. He'd be gritting his teeth and trying his best not to smite you, or snap his fingers and send you to the middle of the Himalayas to cool your head." Dean scowled, and shot a dark glare at the door to the motel room.

Sam sighed loudly. "But, even though you'd probably deserve it, Gabriel would hold himself back because he wouldn't want to do anything to upset me. I didn't want to be caught between the two of you, trying to figure out who I should be more worried about, and who I should be upset with." Dean shifted uncomfortably. He really hated conversations like this, but he'd make an exception because this was Sam he was talking to, and life was too damn short. "Look, I know I don't treat him all that well. He hurt you, Sammy, and I do not forgive anyone who hurts you in a hurry. That doesn't matter, you still should have told me."

**AN: Don't forget to hit that big shiny 'review' button, if you want me to hurry the heck up and post the next chapter. ;-) But seriously, I love all you guys so much! *hands out free hugs to all the readers***


	9. Castiel's Choice

Sam made to try to interrupt him, but Dean just held up a hand to stop him. "There are very few things which I hate more than you keeping secrets from me, and you know that. It never ends well, for either of us. You've been keeping your relationship quiet for _months_. Gabriel wasn't just some random fuck, you really care about him, and you didn't tell me. It's not even like Gabriel asked you not to tell me. Do you have any idea what it was like, having to hear about it from _him_?" Sam sat straighter, his expression turning stubborn. "You know, I've been thinking about that."

Dean's eyes narrowed, he didn't liking the tone of voice Sam was using. "Gabe has wanted me to tell you about us for a while now, but he never would have told you himself. Not unless he had some sort of guarantee than it wouldn't blow up in our faces. He only would have done what he did if he had something he could hold over you. Want to tell me what _you've _been hiding, Dean?" Dean stiffened, furious indignation etched on his features. "I haven't been hiding anything! I only just found out myself, I needed some time to wrap my head around it before I went around telling people! It's not the same thing at all, Sam!"

His little brother glared right back at him, his face heating up with anger. "I needed time too, Dean! At first, what I had with Gabe was mostly casual. I was confused, and I wasn't sure where we were going. I didn't want to stir up trouble without a good reason. It took me a long time to be sure about Gabriel, and to figure out that he was serious about me. I was going to tell you soon, I was just waiting for a good time to do it. I like what we've got going right now, hunting in a pack like this, the five of us. I didn't want you running off in a huff, saying something stupid, like you wouldn't hunt with me again unless I broke up with Gabe and made him leave us alone or something."

Dean shook his head incredulously. "You seriously think I'd pull that kind of crap?" Sam crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair, away from his brother. "I don't know, Dean! I just didn't want to have to choose between the two of you. I want both of you in my life." Dean sighed, and rubbed a hand over his face. "You should have trusted me not to ask something like that of you, Sam. Yeah, I think Gabriel is a douchebag, but I'm not an idiot. I know he's been warding your dreams, and I've seen the way he always has your back when we're hunting. He treats you right, and you enjoy having him around. I never would have asked you to choose between us."

Sam's face softened, although his eyes still held a degree of surprise. "You really mean that, Dean?" The older Winchester nodded. "Of course I mean it. Nothing is more important to me than my family, Sam. I'm not going to be a selfish asshole, and make you miserable, just to stick it to that damn fox." Sam snorted in amusement. "Did you just call Gabe a fox?" Dean nodded, smirking. "Yes, because he's devious like that. If you're a moose, then he's a fox." Sam grinned back at him. "You do realise that he's only going to take that as a compliment, right?" Dean chuckled darkly. "Oh, I know. This way I get to insult him without having to feel too guilty about it. Everybody wins."

Sam sighed. So much for the hard part being over. "Look, I know Sammy. It might take me a while, but I'll do my best to start being a little more civil with him. I want you to be happy, even if it's with Gabriel. You deserve it." When Sam still looked unsure, Dean stood up and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, the same way he'd done a thousand times before. "I mean it, Sam. Our world right now would be nothing but rubble by now if it hadn't been for you jumping in the Cage. You have more than earned a future with some happiness in it." Sam just nodded, swallowing thickly.

Dean sat back down, and rubbed his hands together nervously. "Now, about that thing Gabriel's holding over me… It's actually to do with Cas. Shit, Bobby should be here too. I don't think I can explain this twice." Sam nodded, and replied. "I'll give him a call, he's in a room on the other end of the motel. He sort of guessed about me and Gabe a few months ago, but he didn't want to know about it. He's been giving us space, and looking the other way. Now that you know, maybe I should tell him, make it official." Dean agreed, there was no sense in keeping anything from the old Hunter.

When Bobby got there, Sam quietly pulled him aside, and told him that things had gotten serious with Gabriel. He sighed loudly, and told Sam he hoped he knew what he was doing. Bobby also warned him to keep a bloodied stake, some holy oil, and a lighter handy at all times, just in case. It was a little awkward for Sam, but Bobby hadn't known Gabriel for more than a few weeks. With everything he'd been through in his lives, Bobby had a tough time trusting outsiders, especially inhuman ones. Sam was hoping the Hunter would come to trust the archangel a little more over time, as he got to know Gabriel better.

With that out of the way, Sam and Bobby sat down at the table opposite Dean, and waited for him to get talking. It took him a minute to swallow down his nervousness. "Guys, I found out something a few days ago, just after that last vampire hunt. Maybe I should've told you right away, but I wasn't ready to say anything about it just yet. It was just really mind-blowing, and I needed time to think about it, but I've been talking with Cas for the last week, so I think I understand the situation a little better now." Sam nodded encouragingly, while Bobby huffed with impatience. "Go on boy, spit it out already. We're not getting any younger."

Dean gulped, because he wasn't just telling Sam about Castiel's strange condition. By saying this, he would also be telling Bobby for the first time that he'd gotten together with Cas. Bobby might have suspected something already, given that Dean had spent the last five days alone with the angel, but now Dean would be confirming it. The thought of the old Hunter warning him to keep holy oil handy made him feel sick. Sam prodded his brother, trying to help him get the uncomfortable conversation underway. "This is about what Cas is sick with, right? I asked Gabriel about it because it's not like you to be vague, and I was scared Cas was dying or something, but he promised me that it's not that bad."

Dean snorted, although he was still fidgeting. "No, Cas isn't dying. It's actually kind of the opposite. Remember I told you that it... happened, with me and Cas?" Sam nodded in confirmation, grimacing slightly. Bobby narrowed his eyes in suspicion, as though trying to decide whether or not Dean meant what Bobby thought he meant. "Yeah, well as it turns out, that might have been a bad idea." Bobby looked back and forth between the two brothers, wondering what he'd missed. Sam frowned, worried that Dean had changed his mind about being with Cas or something, but that didn't feel right. "What do you mean exactly?"

Dean squirmed. He really wasn't sure how to say this. "It happened when Famine decided to have a grudge-match. Let's just say that Cas wasn't going crazy for hamburgers that time. We weren't officially a couple or anything, I didn't even know I liked him that way. He was really suffering though, and I couldn't just leave him like that." Bobby finally caught on, and his head shot up, brows furrowed in indignation. "You too? What is it with you boys and angels? What happened to 'all angels are just dicks with wings'? And since when were you into guys, you idjits? I swear, if those damn featherbags have worked their mojo on you to make you like them, I'm gonna roast the pair of 'em!"

Dean paled slightly at the thought of anyone 'roasting' Cas. Sure, it probably wouldn't kill him, but who knew what it would do to the baby? Nothing good, that was certain. Sam was looking grim at the suggestion that their angels had used mojo on them in such an underhanded way. No doubt he was thinking about Becky and her love potion. "Bobby, they didn't do anything to us. Look, Gabe and Cas have always been different from the other angels. Neither of them have been taking orders from Heaven in years. Even if Gabe did use his mojo on Sam, he would've had to know that Sam would figure it out eventually, and that we'd both be incredibly pissed off when he did."

Sam nodded his agreement, wearing Bitch Face #twenty-seven, otherwise known as 'Damn straight I'd be pissed!' Dean bit back a smirk and continued. "We know all about Gabe being a Trickster and an archangel, including how to kill him, so Gabe would have to be pretty stupid to try something like that. I don't know too much about Gabe and Sam, but they've been together for months now. Sam would've figured it out by now if Gabe had tricked him somehow. As for me and Cas, well, it might be complicated, and a little weird, but I've known Cas for_ years_. There's no way he'd ever use his mojo on me like that."

Bobby snorted, still not convinced. "Just like there's no way he'd ever work with a demon, right? How else do you explain it, Dean? Your whole life you've been a ladies' man, cringing every time you saw a pair of gays. Now suddenly you're fooling around with an angel in a man's body? What kind of sense is that supposed to make?" Dean sighed, and rubbed a hand across his face. "Look, Bobby… with everything Cas and I have been through together, and everything he came to mean to me over the years… somewhere along the line, it just stopped mattering that his vessel is a guy. What we have is too important to let something like that get in the way anymore."

Sam was smiling at him the same way he'd done that time when Dean had sincerely agreed with a feminist. "I know he's made mistakes, we all have at some point. I started the Apocalypse for fucks sake, Bobby. Cas has died two times to fix what he did, lost his memories and his sanity… What about all of that time he spent in Purgatory, just because he felt too guilty and ashamed to escape with me? Sure, there are still Leviathan out there, but Dick and Edgar are dead thanks to him, and Cas has been helping us hunt the others. What more do you want from him? How many times does he have to say that he's sorry before you'll believe him?"

Dean leaned back in his chair with a tired sigh, and stared at the door. He'd left Cas outside with Gabriel, and even though it had been less than an hour, he already had a powerful urge to check on him. "Besides, what's the point in fighting it? Cas makes me happy, and I feel safe with him. I've never really had that with anyone else. I've tried the apple-pie life Bobby, and it doesn't work for me. It's not even just that I'm still a target when I try to retire. I'm a Hunter Bobby, through and through. Without hunting, I'm just not myself. With Cas, I can have a bit of both. With an angel, I don't have to worry that some big bad like Yellow-eyes is going to come along and take him away from me without so much as a fight."

Bobby shifted uneasily. "Alright Dean, I get the picture. Now, weren't you gonna tell us something about Cas being sick?" Dean nodded, swallowing nervously. "I didn't know this back then, but when I was helping him deal with Famine's effects, Cas was already head-over-heels for me. He had all these fantasies in his head of us living in a normal house together, with a family of our own, all that sort of thing." Bobby raised an incredulous eyebrow, and Sam cringed. Being in love with someone who didn't realise they loved you back, and having sex with them… Yeah, that had to hurt.

Something still didn't make sense though. "Why are you telling us all of this, Dean? What does any of it have to do with Cas being sick?" Dean nodded. "Hold on, I'm getting to that. As it turns out, doing that with me was so emotionally painful for him, that his Grace reacted to it. He didn't realise it at the time, and I believe him when he says that he didn't mean for it to happen, but his Grace messed with his vessel." Bobby gave a dumbfounded 'Huh!', while Sam's face scrunched up in thought. "His Grace made him sick? How does that even work? Is that why Gabriel hasn't tried to heal him?"

Dean got up and started pacing, too nervous to sit still. "It didn't make him sick, Sammy, not directly. His Grace messed with his internal organs. It made him capable of having that family he wanted so badly. I got him pregnant, Sam. Cas is pregnant." Bobby paled, and Sam froze, blinking incomprehensively. Sam replayed the last time he'd seen Castiel in his mind, then replayed the last few minutes of conversation he'd just had with his brother. He analysed it from every angle, weighing up the facts, and trying to decide how likely it was that Dean was just messing with him. He was trying to decide whether or not something like that should even be possible in the first place.

Suddenly the door banged open, and a pale-looking Cas shot past them to the bathroom, barely making it in time to retch into the toilet. Dean sighed, and went to help the stricken angel. Bobby was still completely out of it, and Sam's head was spinning so fast, he thought he might pass out or join Cas in puking. Before he could do either, Gabriel was next to him, helping him sit back down. He hadn't even realised that he'd stood up. When Cas was finished, Dean helped him to the small table in the room. He fished half a packet of crackers from somewhere inside his jacket, handing them to the angel and rubbing his back soothingly.

Sam and Bobby both looked at Gabriel, their expressions quietly asking the archangel whether they were high, dreaming, or hallucinating. Gabe snorted with amusement, but shook his head. "Sorry, guys. Dean's right about Cas, I can see the baby's Grace." Bobby's mouth opened, but all that came out was a strangled wheeze. A mess of conflicting reactions flickered over Sam's face too quickly for even Gabriel to keep track of. Sam opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and closed his mouth again. The same thing happened four times before the Hunter managed to pick a question. "This kid isn't going to turn out like Emma, is it?"

Gabriel smiled grimly. "No, we're talking about something very different here, Moose. Cas is no Amazon, that's a 'girls only' club." Sam glared at the archangel, his thoughts clear as day. 'You know that's not what I'm really asking. Will the baby need hunting?' Gabriel's smile softened, showing a hint of sadness, and he shook his head. "Their baby will be born no more innately good or evil than a human child. The only difference will be that the kid will have some Grace, and possibly wings. It'll be like a weak, innocent baby angel." Sam sighed with obvious relief. "Thank God. I did_ not_ want to have to kill this one too. It was hard enough the first time." Bobby finally spoke up. "I don't know about you boys, but I need a drink!"

~X~

It took the five of them three times longer than usual to drive back to Bobby's. Castiel was in the Impala with Dean and Sam, while Bobby and Gabriel followed them in the Hunter's old truck. Gabriel had told them that Cas shouldn't be flying in his condition. When the younger angel had tried to argue with his brother, Dean had made him promise not to fly anymore. Unfortunately, travelling by car seemed to exacerbate the angel's morning sickness. They had to make numerous stops along the way, and couldn't travel for too many hours per day, no matter how many crackers Cas nibbled on.

By the time they finally arrived at their destination, five days after setting out, Cas was exhausted and miserable. Dean was short-tempered and tightly wound with worry for his angel, and Gabriel was sticking just as close to his little brother's side as Dean was. Sam was left to deal with Bobby, who was still eyeing Cas as though he had half a mind to whip out the holy oil and attempt some sort of exorcism. Instead, the younger Winchester managed to convince him to head straight for his books, and get down to researching. It didn't really matter that Gabriel had already given them all of his information on the original Nephilim.

He'd told them everything which Castiel had already told Dean, including the alarming news about Azazel's true identity. Unfortunately, that little piece of information had only served to make Bobby even more suspicious of Castiel's Nephil. Researching was a comforting, familiar task, and at this point they were just desperate for something they could do about their odd situation, no matter how pointless it might be. Dean helped Cas up to his room. The angel was almost too weak to climb the stairs, but Dean was patient and careful with him. He made the angel lay down on his bed, and after a few minutes Castiel lay fast asleep.

That was something new, the sleeping. He'd only been doing it for the past three days, and it was frightening for Dean. He hated seeing Castiel becoming so human, even though the angel had assured him that it was a natural consequence of bearing a Nephil. Something about it didn't quite ring true for Dean, and he abhorred the idea that Castiel might not be being completely truthful with him. When the angel was settled, Dean went out to the scrap-yard and started working on one of his old projects, taking out his worries and frustration on the dented old metal. Body-work was his favourite whenever he was deeply worried about something.

~X~

Gabriel was the only other person in the bedroom when Castiel woke up, many hours later. Cas eyed him warily, as though he knew what was coming, and that there was nothing he could do to stop it, but he wasn't happy about it. Gabriel leaned back against the closed door, and folded his arms over his chest. "Cassie, what are you doing? I know you're young, but you were there when the first Nephilim were born. You know just as well as I do what happened to those first few women who refused to bond with Shemihaza's rebels, before those idiots realised that it was a requirement. You know what happened to our brother Jerry."

Castiel snorted at the mention of their brother's name. "Jeriel was just a cherub, he was an idiot for following Shemihaza. I'm stronger than Jeriel was." Gabriel's hard gaze didn't waver. "You're not _that_ much stronger, not after the little light-show you put on for those bloodsuckers. It's not just that, either. You're trying to pretend for _him _that everything's fine, so you were still flying around and using your mojo for petty things like heating up pie and cooling down cream, not giving your Grace a minute to recover." Castiel blushed and turned his head away as the realisation hit him, that his big brother was aware of his new kink.

He should have known that the archangel would be keeping a close eye on him once he knew about the Nephil. He'd always been very protective of his younger brothers. When he didn't comment, Gabriel continued. "Even if you did, it wouldn't, because Junior is slowly sucking you dry. I am an archangel; I can feel your Grace. I can feel how weak you're growing. You won't survive this on your own, Cassie. Even if there _was_ a slim chance for you right now, what happens when trouble finds the boys? Don't look at me like that; even _I_ can't be everywhere at once. I'm not Dad."

When that line of reasoning didn't seem to be having any effect on the young angel, Gabriel changed tactics. "Alright, fine. What if trouble finds _you_, and you're forced to defend yourself again? I hate to break it to you, but you didn't exactly make a lot of friends when you went on your power-trip. If your enemies find out that you're vulnerable right now, you're gonna have trouble raining down cats and dogs around you. You have just about enough juice right now to smite three or four very weak demons. If you tried anything more than that, it would kill you outright. This game you're playing is far too dangerous, little bro. You have to tell him Cassie, or_ I_ will."

Castiel's head shot up, eyes wide with alarm. "You can't! Gabriel, I've already forced a partial bond on him once. There was no other choice at the time; it was the only way to raise him from hell. Even then, I never would have done it without knowing that I would be able to remove it later. Dean has given so much already, Gabriel. How can I ask any more of him? Can't it be enough that he loves me right now? He never asked for any of this!" Gabriel straightened, taking two steps closer as he spat his reply. "Neither did you! You think that you have a choice this time? Cassie, do you seriously believe that Dean would rather watch you and his baby _die _than complete a _bond _with you?"

Castiel's jaw clenched stubbornly. "I won't _die_!" Gabriel cut him off before he could continue arguing. "You don't _know_ that! I _mean_ it Castiel, you have to tell him. I am _not_ going to risk your life, little brother!" The young angel just shook his head. "It's not that simple! A full bond is not something to be taken lightly. You're asking Dean to bind his soul to my Grace for all eternity, to throw away the freedom which he's fought his entire life for, sacrificed _everything_ for! After all the crap Heaven has put him and his family through, how can I ask that of him now? Why can't I just let him have the freedom he's worked so hard to earn? Would you ask Sam to do the same? Do you think he'd agree to it if you asked him?"

Gabriel stumbled back, shaken. "That was really low of you, Castiel. I wasn't expecting that from you. If I had that option, I would ask him in a heartbeat, you _know_ I would. I don't know what he'd say, but it doesn't matter. I don't even get to contemplate that possibility. You _do_, baby brother, so don't waste it. I'm giving you one week to tell him, and that is final." Castiel glowered at him, eyes red with the tears of anger and frustration which he was trying so hard to hold back. "Why are you making me do this? It shouldn't be anyone's choice but my own." Gabriel paused, already halfway out the door. "I already told you, Cassie. I'm doing this because I'd rather rip out my last four wings than watch you die this way."

As the door closed behind the archangel, Cas slumped back against his pillow, the tears he'd been holding back silently slipping down his face. Gabriel stood on the other side of the door, leaning heavily against it and taking several deep breathes to steady his self. When the archangel was feeling a little more composed, he sought out his Hunter. Sam was sitting on the sofa downstairs, with a huge, dusty tomb on his lap. Gabe lay down on the couch, and nudged at the tall human until he put the book down on a side-table so the archangel could rest his head on his lap.

Sam smiled, and ran his long fingers through Gabe's honey-blond hair. "Hey Gabe?" The archangel hummed quietly in response, to show he was listening. "If Dean can get Cas pregnant, does that mean we can have kids too?" Gabriel stiffened. He'd been expecting his Hunter to ask that question, ever since Sam had been told about Castiel's Nephil. He'd been dreading it, knowing the answer he would have to give. He'd never felt more tempted to lie to Sam, but he could never do that to his moose. Still, if ever there was something he might lose his lover over, then this was it. "No, Sam. I'm sorry." The Hunter's hand stilled, and he looked down at Gabriel, meeting his eyes with sad, questioning hazel eyes.

Gabriel sat up, swallowed thickly, and explained. "My Grace is too damaged and unstable to support a kid. Even if it wasn't, your soul wouldn't be compatible enough with Grace to conceive a Nephil. Even if you'd never touched a drop of demon blood after that night when Mary died, Azazel's taint would be too poisonous for a Nephil embryo. It's not your fault, so don't even think it, and you _can _have kids. You just can't have them with an angel." Sam nodded, swallowing the same way Gabriel had moments before, and nodded again, staring at his hands which were folded on his lap. They stayed like that, quietly together, until Bobby came over, asking Sam to call Dean and Cas to dinner.

~X~

**AN: I got really great news today! Apparently I can still donate blood when I go on the meds my psychiatrist prescribed! They're not on the restricted list! Now I just have to start taking my supplements again, and get my iron back up. Happy! ^_^ ****I'm hoping to put the next chapter up on Sunday. I already have half of it done, and I know where I'm taking it. **

******What I want to know from my reviewers is, where do _you_ want this story to go? What do you want to see happen? Which characters do you want me to bring into this? ********Any and all ideas are more than welcome. I'll credit any ideas which I decide to incorporate. Did you like this chapter? Did I do okay? I'm a total praise-whore, so please feel free to click that 'review button' and let me know what you thought. As Misha would say, hate is welcome too, it's indifference which hurts. **

******Did I characterize Bobby okay? He wasn't too OOC, was he? Sorry I'm still being so mean to poor Gabe, I promise things will get better for him eventually. I love him too. Also, sorry there was no smut this chapter, but there will be on Sunday. Lots of nommy, kinky smut. You might even need to keep a spare pair of panties handy. I see many cold showers in your future. ;-)**


	10. Dean's Freedom

**AN: Sorry this is late! I was having technical difficulties this week with my internet. *sobs* To make it up to you, I'm finally posting a pre-Sabriel drabble I typed up a few weeks ago. It's called 'The Matchmaker'. The next chapter is almost finished, I'll be posting it on Friday. That's a promise! I'd like to thank all of my reviewers, especially moria galadrial. You're the best! *huggles* There'll be a bit more Bobby next chapter, hopefully I'll get it right this time.**

**~X~**

After two months, Castiel had gotten worse. His morning sickness had drastically abated, but he still slept every night. He was pale, and losing weight, even though Dean made sure to keep him well fed. Gabriel had spoken with Castiel again, several times, about bonding, but the young angel still refused to say anything to Dean about it. The last straw came, ironically enough, on a Thursday. That afternoon, halfway through their lunch in the scrap yard, Castiel started struggling to breathe, and collapsed. His skin was covered in angry patches of inflammation and a thick sheen of sweat. Dean caught him as he fell, carefully lowering him to the ground and holding him to his chest, shouting for Gabriel.

The archangel materialized instantly at his side, and knelt beside his little brother, pressing two fingers to Castiel's temple, and closing his eyes in concentration. A second later the rash was gone, and Cas was breathing normally again. He was fast asleep. "Gabe, what the hell just happened?" Gabriel sat back on his haunches, shaking his head disbelievingly. "He's allergic to peanuts." Dean's eyebrows scrunched together with confusion. "He's what?" Gabriel stared at him, his expression completely serious. "He's got an acute allergy to nuts. If he was a human he'd be carrying an epi-pen at all times. We can't give him peanut-butter anymore."

Dean let out a shaky breath, and sagged back against an ancient car which was no more than rusty scrap metal. "What the hell is happening to him, Gabe? I mean, I know the kid is making him more human, he told me to expect that, but this…" Gabriel sighed quietly, staring at Castiel's unconscious form. "I know, Deano, that's what you've got _me_ for. Don't worry, we're gonna pull him through this." Dean shook his head, his eyes hard. "There's more to it than that. There's something he's not telling me, I can feel it. He's not supposed to be getting this fragile. He's tired all the time now, his appetite is gone even though he still needs to eat, and he can't remember things he did five minutes after doing them."

Gabriel cursed, but he'd had it with waiting for Castiel. "The baby is killing him. It's too much for him to carry, he doesn't have enough Grace. He thinks he can handle it, but he's wrong. You have to convince him to terminate, or they'll _both_ die." Dean blanched. For a few seconds he said nothing. "That's my only choice? There's nothing you can do?" Gabriel shook his head. "I've been going over his options with him for the past two months, but that's the only choice he's willing to give you. I'm sorry, Deano." Dean held Castiel a little tighter to him. "He loves this kid, Gabe, more than anything. How do I…?"

Gabriel stood back up, pulling a length of red liquorice from his pocket. "Let me talk to him one more time. If he still insists on being more stubborn than a damned Winchester, I'll tell you about your only other option myself. I don't give a shit if he doesn't think it's fair, it's about damn time he learnt that _nothing_ in life is fair. Fuck, he's such a damned kid sometimes." Dean snorted humourlessly. "Yeah, I might have noticed that myself. I guess Cas still has a lot to learn." Although his words were harsh, Dean carefully manipulated Castiel's limbs to make him more comfortable, and gently rubbed his back.

~X~

When Castiel woke a few hours later, he was once again lying on Dean's bed, and alone with Gabriel. Someone had changed him out of the jeans and AC/DC shirt he'd borrowed from Dean, and put him in a thin, ancient pair of drawstring sweatpants. He didn't have the Grace to spare on keeping Jimmy's clothes laundered anymore. He was naked from the waist up, but, although the weather was growing colder, it was warm enough inside the house that he wasn't uncomfortable. Cas groaned quietly. The last thing he could remember was eating sandwiches with Dean, outside. He'd been watching him work on one of Bobby's old junkers all morning. The sun had felt nice on his cold skin.

Now there was an unpleasant cottony sensation in his mouth. Before he did anything else, he did the first thing which he _always_ did after waking up. He put one hand over his stomach, and checked the baby's Grace. Yep, his Nephil was still doing well. Reassured that his child was safe and sound, he was ready to face his brother. "What happened?" Was that his voice? It sounded so hoarse and scratchy. Gabriel walked closer, and sat on the bed by Castiel's ankles. "You were almost killed by a fucking sandwich. Unless you want to give Deano another heart attack, I suggest you stay away from anything with nuts in it from now on." Castiel frowned, still feeling a bit foggy. "Dean had a heart attack? When?"

Gabriel snorted, leaning back on his hands. "He didn't, but it was a close call. Watching your lover go into anaphylactic shock will do that to a guy." Castiel nodded distractedly. Then, after a few seconds, Gabriel's words started to sink in. "I'm allergic to nuts?" Gabriel swore and slapped his hand down on the bed. "Either you tell Dean right fucking now about bonding, or I'm doing it for you." Castiel flinched, shuffling further back towards his pillow. "Plenty of humans have allergies, Gabriel. I still have plenty of Grace to sustain my Nephil, even if I'm as human as this. There's no need to tell Dean _anything_."

Gabriel snarled at his stubborn little brother. "Even if you refuse to see it, your stubbornness does not change the fact that right now you are _still dying_! You will tell Dean about bonding, or so help me I will end your pregnancy _myself_!" Cas cried out and pulled his angel-blade from his Grace, brandishing it in front of him at the same time as his wings slipped out, covered in grey dust. The large appendages puffed and flared out behind him, his right wing trapped and useless against the window next to him. After a very brief scuffle which sent angel-dust flying everywhere, Gabe had taken the blade away from him. The pale dust which had settled in his hair made his vessel look twenty years older.

The archangel sustained only one small scratch on his wrist, which dimly glowed with his wounded Grace. Castiel cowered against the headboard, both hands held protectively over his naked, barely-there belly. "Gabriel _please_, you can't! _Anything_ but that, I beg of you!" He was so distraught that he'd slipped back into using Enochian. Tears were streaming down his face, white with fear. "I'll tell him, I _swear_ I will! Just _please_ don't take my child from me!" Gabriel stood, ruthlessly squashing the guilt clawing at his chest. It had to be done. "One bondless, pregnant seraph against an archangel? There is a limit to stupidity, Castiel." He tossed his little brother's angel-blade across the room, and left to fetch Dean.

~X~

When Dean came into the room, Castiel was sitting by the headboard, his blue-black wings tucked tight against his back, the feathers subtly quivering. His face was still wet with tears, but his expression was calm, resigned. "So, Gabe tells me you're ready to talk to me. I thought we didn't keep secrets anymore, Cas. Remember what happened the last time you thought secrets were a good thing?" Perhaps he was being a little unfair, but Dean was still dizzy with horror at the thought that he might have to make Cas give up their child. Castiel wasn't the only one who'd already fallen hopelessly in love with the new life.

From the day they'd realised that Cas had started to show, however slightly, Dean had caught his hand subconsciously migrating to the tiny bump more times in a day than he could count. All of those dreams for their future which Castiel had envisioned, which had gotten them into this mess in the first place… Dean had started seeing them too. "Gabriel is wrong. Our Nephil won't kill me, I _am _strong enough." Dean kicked off his shoes, and sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Castiel. "Alright, you think he's wrong. Your opinion is noted. Now do me a favour, and humour me for a second. What are our options if he's right? Because right now, I'm hearing that the only way to save at least one of you is to kill our kid."

Castiel glowered, and resolved to set Gabriel on fire the next time he saw the archangel. "Now, I'm betting you know another way out of this mess. What I want to know is why the hell you haven't said anything about it before now." Castiel sighed quietly, and turned his face to stare out the window. "Gabriel wants me to bond with you." Dean raised a questioning eyebrow. "I'm guessing you don't mean going on a camping trip." Cas snorted. "No, camping has nothing to do with it. On rare occasion it's a naturally occurring phenomenon found in humans. Two people can have souls which are so compatible that they will merge."

Dean's eyebrows shot up. "Their souls will 'merge'? Just like that?" Castiel gave him his best impression of Sam's Bitch Face #four, 'Now you're just being an idiot for the sake of it.' "It's not quite that simple. Something as drastic as the merging of two souls requires the pressure of intensely emotional and physical situations. That can include having sexual intercourse, or one of them protecting the other in a highly dangerous situation. Once their souls have joined though, then those two people are what you would call 'soulmates'. Angels can have soulmates too, in a sense, by merging their Graces. It's even rarer than the occurrence of human soulmates, but it's happened before."

Dean nodded, and motioned for Castiel to continue. The angel sighed quietly, but obliged him. "Raphael was bonded. That's why he was so strong, why I had to go to such extreme lengths to take him on, not just because he was an archangel. To form that kind of bond with a human, an angel would have to merge their Grace with a soul. It's an entirely unnatural process, thus it has to be done deliberately, with intent, and a certain amount of ceremony." Dean's eyes narrowed. "Being bonded made Raphael strong? That's why Gabriel wants you to bond with me, because it'll make you strong enough to survive having our kid? How does this bond make an angel so strong, anyway?"

Castiel nodded, but he still avoided making eye-contact. "Being bonded makes you twice as strong, and also twice as vulnerable. Once the Grace and the soul have merged, they become one entity housed in two bodies, connected by an invisible but indestructible cord. That cord is what's known as 'the bond'. Only God himself can undo it, and he never has before. When Shemihaza's rebels were confined to Tartarus in their purest forms, their Graces, it ripped them each to shreds, because they'd bonded with the human women they'd impregnated. A portion of Grace was left entwined in each woman's soul, otherwise their Nephilim would have killed them."

Dean winced, but he could tell Castiel wasn't finished yet. "No _one_ human or angel is supposed to have enough soul or Grace to sustain a Nephil. My brother Jeriel proved that the hard way. He took a human male for his own, but didn't bond with him, and became pregnant as I am. He was only a cherub; he had far less Grace than I. It killed him within the first month, as surely as an archangel-blade through his heart would have. If he'd been bonded, then his Nephil would have been sustained not just by his Grace, but also by his human father's soul, via the bond. The combination would have been enough, and both Jeriel and his child would have survived."

Dean nodded slowly, starting to understand. "So, the reason you're getting weaker is because the baby is eating up your Grace, and if it keeps doing that, eventually it'll kill you. If we're bonded though, the kid will be able to drain my soul as well, through this bond thing, so we'll both be weaker, but neither of us will die?" Castiel nodded. "That's the general idea, yes. That's just one aspect of the bond though; there are a variety of consequences. You must understand all of them before even contemplating this undertaking. Our essences, our very life-forces, would be irrevocably entwined. With human soulmates, when one dies the other usually follows within days, unable to survive such a level of separation."

That made Dean think about his grandparents, Samuel Winchester and his wife Deanna Campbell, the woman he'd been named after. Samuel had died first, killed on a hunt. Just three days later, Deanna had passed as well. Everyone had said that it was heartbreak which had taken her life. "Even in Heaven, soulmates share theirs, Dean. In Hell, one of their most insidious methods of torture is keeping soulmates as far apart as possible without expelling one of them entirely. It isn't even possible for one soulmate to go to Heaven and the other to Hell. If either of them is damned, then they both are. The bond lasts for all eternity; it cannot be eroded by time. You'd be tied to me forever, in every sense of the word."

Dean leant back, resting his weight on his arms. It was a lot to take in, an overwhelming concept. Castiel nodded in agreement. "Forever is a very long time, Dean, and there'd be no going back. You would be physically marked for the rest of your life on Earth. Remember your handprint scar? I used some of my Grace to heal the wounds in your soul when I raised you from hell, and had had to leave it behind like stitches. That scar was the result. I was only able to remove your mark by taking that Grace back from your soul, once it had fully recovered and I was strong enough to do it safely."

How could Cas think Dean might have forgotten that scar? The Hunter still touched his arm where the red keloids used to be sometimes, when he woke up from a nightmare, or he was just thinking about Cas. "If we bonded, your soul would leave a similar mark on my vessel. They are marks of ownership Dean, little better than slave-collars. You'd be giving up the freedom which you've fought your entire life for. It's too much for me to ask of you, and it isn't necessary. I'm not a cherub, I'm a seraph. My Grace will be enough. I won't die." Dean mulled it over, and summarized Castiel's little speech for clarity. "So if one of us dies, we both do, and if one of us is damned we both are, but somehow we'd also be stronger?"

Castiel nodded. "For me, it would be like I had twice as much Grace as a normal seraph. I'd be almost as powerful as when I took the hell-souls into my vessel, but so would you. For you, since you would have access to my Grace you would be twice as difficult to injure, heal almost instantaneously, and you'd be capable of smiting. If either of us over-extended ourselves, or was targeted beyond their usual capacity to defend themselves, then the other would weaken, but we would both survive. If one of us was killed however, the other would die as well. We would become each others' strength, and at the same time we would be each other's weakness."

Dean followed Castiel's gaze, staring out the window as he contemplated the possibilities. "So basically, you're saying that nothing would really change much." Castiel finally turned to look at him, tilting his head and furrowing his brow in confusion. Dean met his gaze without turning to face him, and smiled gently. "You know me, Cas. When I've got something to protect, someone to fight for, it's enough to make me fight twice as hard. When I've got you covering my back, I know that I'm safe, because it's the same for you when it comes to protecting me. Remember how bad-ass you got when we took on Pestilence? We already make each other stronger."

Castiel's eyes widened at the memory. It was true that knowing how much Dean needed his help had always been enough to make him go the extra mile, to push through the pain and do what had to be done. He just hadn't realised that it was the same for Dean. "The part about being each others' weakness, that's also true already. If some Big Bad tried to use you against me right now, I'd be totally screwed. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe until I could find a way to get you back. To me, you're just that important, as much as Sammy ever was. It's been that way for a long time. The only difference is that, right now, you're actually vulnerable enough for that to be something I might need to worry about."

The young angel tensed slightly at the idea. There were few things he could imagine which would be more awful for him than if someone used him to hurt Dean. He'd never be able to forgive himself, even if it wouldn't technically be his fault. He'd already hurt Dean far too much himself. "Besides, being tied to you, following you to Hell or Heaven or anywhere else, that's already something I'd do. If you just disappeared one day, I'd tear apart every dimension in existence until I found you, and I knew you were safe again. You'd do the same thing, hell, you already have. We both knew that it was a suicide mission, but you still came with me to kill Dick Roman, and wound up stuck in Purgatory with me."

Castiel's eyes glazed as he lost himself in his memories of that day. The night before they died, he'd thought he would melt with happiness when Dean forgave him. "Getting out of there without you, knowing you were stuck there and having no way to get back to you, to get you home, that was pretty close to torture for me, Cas. Every time I've ever had to be away from you, every time I thought you were dead, those were some of the worst times I've ever been through. All I could do half the time was miss you. Tell me, Cas, what would us bonding really change? What would be so different? Freedom just means having a choice. Why can't I choose you?"

Cas just stared at him, completely speechless. Awe and love boiled up from the pit of his stomach, flooded his chest, and made his throat too tight for talking. Dean turned to face him then, and gave him a wide grin. "Yeah, that's what I thought. When do we get this show on the road? Is there anything we need for this bonding thing?" He was bowled over backwards when Castiel tackled him, pinning his arms to the bed and kissing him. He kissed Dean feverishly, passionately, with every drop of love in his body, over and over again until Dean could barely breathe.

When the Hunter was gasping for breath, Cas finally stopped to bury his head in the crook of Dean's neck. The angel was hugging him as tightly as he dared around his waist, below his ribs, so Dean would still be able to gulp the air he needed. Dean just laughed, wrapping his arms around Cas to hold him close. The Hunter rubbed his big hands soothingly over the sensitive skin near the bases of Castiel's wings, encouraging the angel to spread them towards the ceiling. Cas pushed into the touch, squirming, while a thin whine escaped from the back of his throat. His back became so sensitive when he had his wings out that any contact almost tickled.

When he had Cas breathing heavily, Dean buried one hand in the angel's dishevelled black hair. He gently massaged his scalp with the tips of his fingers, just the way he knew would make Cas purr with contentment. This time it wasn't enough though. Castiel's mouth attached itself to Dean's neck, insatiably licking and nibbling at the sensitive skin. He sucked harshly enough at Dean's pulse point to draw out a breathless gasp. Cas rolled his hips against the top of Dean's thigh, where it was nestled between the angel's legs. His wings gave lazy, jerking flaps occasionally, without any co-ordination whatsoever.

Dean inhaled sharply, letting the breath out again in a low moan. "Take me, Dean, take all of me. I need to be inside you, right now. Let me in Dean, please just let me in. I need to pour all of my love into you right now now now I need you…" Castiel's voice was frantic with desperation; the stream of words was pouring so swiftly and fluidly from his mouth, that it took Dean almost half a minute to actually perceive the question. When Castiel's words sunk in, Dean froze. They'd never switched roles like that before. The prospect was more than a little daunting. Cas didn't even seem to notice that he'd stiffened, he was still blissfully assaulting the Hunter's neck and collarbones with his mouth.

Suddenly Dean heard fabric ripping, and realized that the angel had torn the Hunter's shirt clean off his body. Well, that was _one_ way to get around the 'no zapping clothes' rule. He couldn't decide whether the move was scary or just plain sexy. Dean _had _told Cas that he didn't mind the angel taking control sometimes. Besides, Castiel's Grace was drained. Even if the angel got a bit carried away again, he no longer had the superhuman strength to unwittingly push Dean into doing something which the Hunter wasn't comfortable with. The real question was, was he comfortable with being the one getting taken?

It seemed fair enough, that Cas should get to top once in a while. After all, it wasn't like the angel was a woman or something. If he could just get Cas to focus, he knew the angel wouldn't hurt him. It couldn't be that bad, right? Judging by how much Cas seemed to enjoy being taken, Dean could even be missing out for all he knew. There was no harm in trying it, at least. He moved his hands to Castiel's hips, firmly gripping the sharp bones and pushing them away. He stopped the angel's grinding long enough to get his attention. "Okay, Cas. You can have me. Just be careful, I can't prep myself with mojo like _you_ can."

Cas pulled back and_ looked_ at him. In that moment, he wasn't Cas anymore. He was Castiel, angel of the Lord, leader of his own Garrison, a warrior. It had been a long time since Dean had last seen this side of him. Right now Castiel was the soldier who'd been willing to carve a sigil with the potential to obliterate his Grace into his own chest, just for the chance to win a single battle. He was the resolute fighter who was ready to pick up a sawed-off shotgun if his Grace should ever fail him. He knew what he wanted; to take Dean in a manner which would be as pleasurable for the Hunter as possible; and he had resolved to go for it, come hell or high water.

Castiel was in control now, and nobody was going to take that control from him. It was oddly reassuring for Dean. He knew it meant that Cas was going to keep control over himself as well, that he wasn't going to let himself get too carried away. Dean could trust this Cas, he could surrender to him. This Cas would always keep him safe, just as the angel had done so many times before. Dean smiled up at him, trusting and pliant, and a note of awe crept into Castiel's eyes. After all of the mistakes he'd made, Cas had never imagined that Dean might trust him like this. It was humbling, and heart-warming in a way nothing else could have been.

It was an unbelievably precious gift, this level of trust, and so help him God he was _not_ going to mess this up. With the way Castiel's strength had been waning, he and Dean hadn't done much beyond making out and cuddling in over two weeks now. Cas took his time stripping the both of them, placing gentle kisses on Dean's skin as it was bared, re-learning the Hunter's muscular body. He'd learnt very quickly how to untie laces to remove shoes. He was even unbuttoning and unzipping jeans single-handed now. Dean let him, relaxed and content with the slow pace. He always had preferred to take things slow with the partners who'd been special to him.

~X~

**AN: Sorry I made Gabe such a bully in the beginning! I swear he was only doing it because he was really scared for his little bro. Do you guys think this story is maybe moving a little too fast? It feels like it might be, but I haven't got the first clue how to slow it down. Next chapter will have nommy smut and bonding, as well as a few surprises. This is the part where I shamelessly beg for reviews. But seriously, they really brighten up my day. They're better than Prozac! *hands out free flowers to all my readers, and teddybears to reviewers***


	11. Castiel's Mark

**AN: Okay, now as you near the end of this chapter, you might find yourself thinking 'WTF, that person is dead! Them getting killed was even an important plot point which affected the storyline!' Yeah... Well, what can I say. This is fanfiction. What is this world coming to when a fanfiction authoress can't make a dubious change to canon to revive a character they really liked? How many times has the same thing been done with characters like Bobby and Adam? So please don't hate on me for bringing back the people I have. Other than that, I hope I've done a better job of portraying Bobby this chapter. Please let me know what you think.**

**~X~**

Cas was probably the most special of them all. The angel definitely would be once they were bonded. As Dean's thumbs rubbed encouraging circles into Castiel's warm flesh, it suddenly struck him that this bonding would be like getting married, only a million times more binding. He'd never been married before. A memory surfaced in the back of his mind, of a time when he'd told Cas that he didn't think being married to him would be a bad thing. When he tried to imagine living the rest of his life without Cas, it just made his chest feel tight, and his grip on the angel's hips tightened as he arched his chest against the angel's front.

They'd come way too far together to go back to the way things had been before. If this relationship didn't work out, if they broke up now, he'd never see Cas again. He didn't want that. Fuck, anything but that! Dean reached his left hand up, burying his fingers in Castiel's perpetually dishevelled hair to pull him down for a hungry kiss. Cas let him do as he pleased for a while, before ruthlessly taking over, nipping at Dean's slightly stubbled jaw and growling possessively. The sound sent a pulse of molten heat straight to Dean's groin. The angel grabbed the hand which still clutched his hip, and pushed it into the feathers at the base of his left wing instead.

Dean smirked, and obediently stroked and pulled at the downy fluff, revelling in the hissed gasps each tug earned him. As his hand slid along the thick bone of Castiel's wing, the angel worked his way down Dean's chest. Cas paused at one of Dean's nipples, biting it roughly and making Dean yelp, before lathing it apologetically with his tongue, and gently sucking on the pink flesh. He moved on, kissing and flicking his tongue along Dean's ribs, then nosing at the fine trail of hair leading to the Hunter's groin. Dean groaned appreciatively when Cas sucked at his hairs. Nobody had ever done that to him before, it was shockingly arousing. Then, at long last, Castiel's mouth was where he needed it the most.

This was one thing Cas hadn't tried before. Until today, the angel had still tended to be a bit shy in bed, his lack of experience making him self-conscious. That insecurity was nowhere to be found now, as he did his best to mimic the things Dean had done for him in the past three months. It wouldn't have been healthy to suppress his morning sickness, but now that that phase of his pregnancy was mercifully over, Cas had no trouble at all suppressing his gag reflex. He effortlessly took Dean all the way in, right down to his balls, keeping his unnaturally blue eyes fixed on Dean's emerald gaze as he did it. The Hunter shouted a wordless cry of shock and pleasure which dragged into a low, filthy moan.

His hips rolled and bucked uncontrollably, but Cas made no effort to hold them still. Instead he manoeuvred Dean's legs over his shoulders, giving the Hunter more leverage to fuck his throat. He swallowed around the thick length each time the tip of it brushed the back of his throat. Each time Dean pulled back, Cas dipped his tongue into the slit before viciously sucking at the head. His stretched lips were smirking around Dean's length, the Hunter's unrestrained moans inciting him to meet Dean stroke for stroke. Just when Cas could sense that Dean was on the brink of losing himself, the angel pulled back, pinning the Hunter's hips down to stop them from following.

Dean _whimpered_, and he was too close to the edge to care. He was clutching at Castiel's wings for dear life, even as the oil which had gathered on them threatened his grip. Cas perched on his knees, and pulled Dean's hips until only his shoulders, head and arms were still touching the bed. Dean only had enough time to say "Cas, what the hell are you…!" before the angel's tongue was half inside his tight entrance, and he instantaneously lost the ability to speak. Cas growled his appreciation. Dean tasted like mild vanilla soap, with the slight saltiness of flushed skin. He toyed with the pale pink pucker, sucking, licking, and thrusting his tongue inside.

Dean was writhing and gasping, completely thrown by the unfamiliar sensations. The desperate little sounds escaping his lips were making Castiel's cock twitch. When Cas was finished using his tongue, he carefully lowered Dean back onto the bed. The angel started with a single finger, slicked with his own oil. He groaned when Dean's body accepted it easily, squeezing it and pulling the digit deeper inside. Leaning down to kiss Dean again, he swallowed the Hunter's groan as he suddenly added a second finger. He took his time preparing Dean, pumping and scissoring his fingers whilst purposely avoiding Dean's prostate, so he wouldn't cum too soon.

Dean was just about ready to snap and throw something at Cas by the time he put the third finger in, but not long after that the fingers were gone. The angel carefully aligned his erection, purple and swollen with neglect, at Dean's entrance. Cas watched as Dean nervously licked his lips, and his eyes softened with warmth and reassurance. "We don't have to do this if you're not sure, Dean. I'll still make you cum, but it doesn't have to be like this." Dean just shook his head, panting too hard for speech, and dug his heels into Castiel's back. He was nervous, sure, but he knew what he wanted, and he hadn't changed his mind. Cas nodded, gently held Dean's face in both hands while he kissed him, and pushed in slowly.

The angel paused when he was a third of the way in, letting Dean adjust to his size, and soothingly stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. The Hunter's shoulders were tense, but he was willing the rest of his muscles to relax. It didn't hurt exactly, but it ached dully, and a low burn was clawing at his lower back. After a few seconds of taking deep, controlled breaths, his muscles suddenly loosened, and Cas slowly slid home. The angel just barely bit back a grunt. "Dean, your ass is very tight!" The Hunter glared up at him. "It's not my ass that's the problem; you're just too fucking big! Who the hell has a dick that big anymore?" Cas gave a sharp, bark-like laugh. "Novaks do, apparently. Are you okay? Can I move now?"

Dean just rolled his hips in response, and smirked when the sensation made Cas cry out with pleasure. Cas instantly wiped the smirk from his face when he started slowly thrusting, shallow but powerful pumps hitting his prostate with deadly precision. "FUCK! What the fuck is _that_?! Nngh… Harder, Cas! Yes! Oh fuck… _Cas_… yes, _yes_!" Cas was surprised at how vocal Dean had gotten, he'd never been that loud when he was topping. It was tremendously gratifying. He rewarded Dean by bracing himself with his left arm. This let him deepen his thrusts, hitting the Hunter's little bundle of nerves even harder whilst still keeping his right hand on Dean's jaw.

Dean was clawing at his back with his thankfully blunt nails, and eagerly meeting him thrust for thrust, all apprehension long abandoned. Their pace was swiftly picking up. "Shit, Cas! Just like that… Fuck, so good! NGH!" When Dean's orgasm hit him, his hands splayed over Castiel's back, his right hand directly between the angel's shoulder-blades, over the back of his heart, and his other hand pulling down Castiel's lower back. Dean's walls clamped down tightly around the angel's length, triggering Castiel's own explosive release. There was a blindingly bright light, the unique colour of Mediterranean sunlight, which flared up around them. It grew until it filled the room, and burst out of the windows and the gap under the door.

Dean's universe shattered into a billion infinitesimal pieces. When his awareness returned, it felt different. In the back of his mind there was an unfamiliar sensation of warmth, and the low thrum of immense power. Dean's walls were still spasming, milking Cas for every hot, sticky drop, and the light slowly faded away to nothing. When the pleasure eventually dissipated to a dull burn, Cas flopped heavily on his side, onto the bed next to Dean, breathing hard and trembling. The last thought that flitted through Dean's mind before he passed out was, 'Fuck, I'm definitely more of a catcher. I did _not_ see that coming.' He dimly heard Cas snort with amusement, but he was too exhausted to ask what was so funny.

~X~

Sam choked on his coffee, spraying it all over the table and coughing. "Dean! What the hell happened to your face?" Dean just looked confused and a bit self-conscious, like he'd been caught walking around with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. "What do you mean, Sammy?" His little brother struggled for words, gave up, and then just pointed at a mirror in the hallway. Dean walked over to the large mirror, and finally saw what Sam had. On the left side of his face, on his jaw and the lower third of his cheek, there was a large, red handprint scar. On his face? Seriously? How was he supposed to shave now?

The mark's location was an indication of deep tenderness and love, but simultaneously it was also the sign of a possessive-streak a mile wide. Christ. He couldn't decide whether he was pissed at having his face marred, or if he was impossibly warmed and proud to have been claimed so blatantly, and by an angel no less. In the end he just huffed, a lopsided smile on his face. He liked the mark. Anyone who looked at him from now on would instantly know that someone had chosen him; that an angel wanted to spend eternity with him. He couldn't help but feel smug. Dean strutted into the kitchen, where Bobby was making breakfast and Gabriel was eating a bowl of some hopelessly sugary kiddies' cereal.

Gabe saw him first, and made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. After a few seconds, he gave a weak, forced smile. "Congratulations, Deano. I don't know how you talked him into it, but Cassie's mark looks good on you." Dean grinned broadly at him. "Thanks, Shortstack. I couldn't agree with you more. Wow, there's something I never thought I'd be saying to you." A dim pulse of disapproval shivered through the back of his mind, and Dean's brows furrowed briefly with uncertainty. Somehow he knew that the emotion hadn't been his own, but that just begged the question, whose was it?

Another wave swept through him, this time full of warmth and reassurance. Just like that, Dean recognised where it had come from. He followed the sensation back to its source, and found what felt like a mental tunnel. Dean tentatively pushed through, and after a few moments he found himself surrounded by blue warmth. 'Cas? Is that you?' Surprise and pleasure rippled through his body. No, through Castiel's body, but right now it felt as though this body was Dean's own. Love and pride brushed against his consciousness, and then he was being gently led back to his side of the tunnel. 'I'll explain later, Dean. Eat your breakfast, I can feel how hungry you are. I'll be downstairs soon.'

The presence retreated, but the tunnel was still there. Dean returned his focus to the world around him, only to find Bobby waving a hand in front of his face, looking concerned. Gabriel was gone. "What the hell did Feathers do to you?" Dean swatted his hand away. "I'm fine, Bobby. I was just wool-gathering. Do I get to have some of those eggs and rashers, or were you saving them for a special occasion?" Bobby didn't look convinced, but he let it drop, and started serving the food onto four plates. "Go get your brother and Feathers before the eggs get cold." Dean got up from his chair to do just that, but before he could get halfway to the door, both men walked in.

Sam looked around, and frowned. "Where did Gabe go? I didn't see him come back into the living room." Bobby didn't look up from scooping bacon out of the frying pan in his right hand, but he used the spatula to point at the back door. Sam looked uncertain, he wanted to seek out his lover and make sure Gabe was alright, but what if he wanted to be left alone? He jumped when he felt Cas lay a tentative hand on his shoulder. "He's on the roof, thinking. Just give him some time." Sam nodded hesitantly. "What happened?" Cas sighed, the pitying look in his eyes making Sam feel a little uncomfortable. "Seeing Dean's mark, and watching him explore the telepathic aspect of our new bond, upset him."

Sam's face fell as understanding dawned on him like a punch to his gut. Whatever this bond thing was, Gabe had just been vividly reminded of another thing he could never have with his Moose. Sam wanted to hate God, for making Lucifer, for setting into motion all of the events which would end with him and Gabe not being able to give each other a family. But, then he might have to hate God for making Gabriel too, and that just wasn't something he was capable of doing. If it was like this now, what would it be like when Cas started really showing? Would he even be able to feel happy for his brother?

That thought made him feel guilty, because he knew that if their situations were reversed, Dean would've genuinely felt happy for him even as he felt sad for his own inability to have children with his lover. Emotionally drained, Sam sat at the table and sullenly picked at his breakfast. Bobby finished dishing up and putting the things he'd used to make breakfast in the sink, and sat down to eat with them. "So, you going to tell me what that scar's doing on your face, or did you want me to guess?" Dean beamed at him. "Cas and I got angel-married!" One side of Castiel's lips twitched up in a smile at Dean's excitement.

Bobby just stared at him as though he'd grown a second head. "His Grace and my soul got all bonded up into one thing, and now we're both sharing it. I can feel Cas in the back of my head. It's awesome. Hey Cas, you said my soul would leave a scar on you too, right? Where did I mark you?" Cas blushed, and dipped his head. 'Cas? You okay?' The angel met Dean's curious gaze, and replied along their link. A feeling of nakedness, of revealing something extremely intimate, washed over Dean, making him squirm self-consciously in his seat. 'If it's that private, then why did you leave mine on my face? It's like I'm walking around without pants on!'

Castiel's expression looked sheepish, but Dean could feel an overwhelming sense of possessiveness well up inside the angel. Dean groaned, half-heartedly wondering what he'd gotten himself into. That thought was met with a pulse of uncertainty from Cas, and Dean realised that the angel had heard him. He flooded their link with love and reassurance. 'No regrets, Cas. I'll never regret you.' The angel visibly relaxed, and smiled warmly at Dean. 'Where _did_ I leave my mark, though?' Cas smirked, and sent him an image of the angel's back.

There, directly between the bases of his wings, and over the back of his heart, was a large red handprint scar. The sight felt surprisingly intimate; Dean found himself feeling glad that nobody else could see it. He was quite glad for the whole world to know Cas was his, that wasn't the issue. It was just too personal, something special to be kept just between the two of them. The whole exchange only took a few seconds. "Don't you idjits think you're moving a bit fast? It sounds like you've made one hell of a commitment. I thought you knew better than to jump into things involving your soul."

Dean just rolled his eyes at the grouchy old Hunter. "It's not like I've made another demon-deal, Bobby. Besides, it's all completely mutual. I can use Castiel's Grace now. I can smite things!" Bobby's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "You're telling me there are no potential drawbacks to this situation?" Dean's expression hardened. "None that weren't already there. I didn't rush into anything, Bobby. I've known Cas for four years, and in six months he's going to have my kid. It was about time I made an honest angel out of him. There's no point in arguing, either. The bond is irreversible, so it's too late to try to talk me out of it." Bobby glowered at him, and Dean looked away.

He was hurting. Bobby was like a father to him, and knowing that he didn't have the old Hunter's support in this was painful. Cas and him weren't too big on public displays of affection, but for the last three months they'd been even more in each others' pockets than usual. It had seemed like Bobby was getting used to it, he'd certainly been acting like he was more at ease with the idea. Maybe Dean had been wrong about that. Maybe he'd only been seeing what he'd wanted to see. Sam watched them, not sure what to do, the tense atmosphere making him uncomfortable. Cas came over to stand next to Dean, and gently kissed his temple.

Dean relaxed against him, still staring at the table, and sent his gratitude through their link. Cas replied with an image, of a traditional back-yard wedding with them at the altar, and various friends and acquaintances in attendance, and Dean could feel the question behind it. The Hunter beamed up at him, and replied with his approval. The corners of Castiel's mouth lifted up in a shy smile, and the angel turned to Bobby. "Due to the nature of the bonding ceremony, it only would've been highly uncomfortable to have anyone else present. We'd be honoured if you'd lend us your home for a more traditional wedding, and it would mean a great deal to the both of us if you'd both be willing to attend."

He hesitated to voice his next thought, but Dean gave him an encouraging nod. Cas smiled a little wider, and even though it made him blush, he spoke his mind. "We wish to include the people who are important to us in our union. We'd like for our family and friends to celebrate with us." Bobby's expression softened, and he leaned back in his chair. "Damn straight you're having a proper ceremony. Damn idjits running off and getting Vegas-hitched to angels without a word to anybody…" Dean's eyes shot to Bobby's face, surprise and happiness flooding through him.

_That_ was why Bobby had been upset? Not because Dean had done something with his soul again, but because he'd gotten married without Bobby there? Well, that was perfectly understandable. He probably should have seen it coming. "Hey guys?" Everyone turned to look at Sam. " Do you think… Would it be okay to have a double wedding?" Dean's and Bobby's eyebrows shot to their hairline, but Cas just smiled at him. Dean spoke first. "You and Gabe? Have you asked him yet?" Sam blushed, and scratched at a mark on the table. "Well, not yet… I thought I'd ask you first, since it was your idea. You don't have to, I mean it's _your_ big day."

Dean grinned. 'You okay with it, Cas?' His reply was a strong wave of approval. "Cas and I would love to share our big day with you two. Go ask Gabe." Sam beamed at him, but soon his expression fell, and he just looked extremely nervous. "Do you think he'll say yes?" Dean didn't get a chance to reply. As soon as the words had left Sam's lips, Gabe had popped into the kitchen and grabbed Sam in a bear-hug, before pulling him down to cover his face with butterfly kisses, gasping out a frantic 'Yes!' after every kiss, tears streaming down his face. Dean and Cas shared wide smiles and a kiss of their own, and Bobby did his best to hide his own grin, but failed.

They spent the rest of the day making plans. Bobby would be the photographer, and receive any gifts. Gabe was in charge of the decorations, the entertainment, their suits, and the catering. They made him promise to have at least _some_ foods which weren't sickly sweet. The guest list was tricky. They couldn't invite people who'd be too likely to kill any of the other guests. For their own safety, only a few humans could be invited. Cas wanted Meg there, and Dean wanted Benny Lafitte to attend. Sam suggested Amy Pond, and Gabe asked if Thor could come.

When the others looked at him with scepticism, he pointed out that they were old drinking buddies, and although Thor had known he wasn't the real Loki, he'd kept his mouth shut. When Dean glanced worriedly at Cas, Gabe added, "He liked me better, the original Loki was half insane long before I put him down and took over. Also, Lucifer killed his dad, Odin, and Sam locked Luci up, so Thor owes him one. Besides, he actually _likes_ Cas for letting out the Leviathans. He hasn't had something that challenging to kill in centuries; he's having the time of his life. He got bored of killing humans decades ago." Dean looked relieved, Sam seemed uncertain what to do with that information, and Cas just looked slightly chagrined.

With those four guests decided, the only Hunters they felt comfortable inviting were Garth Fitzgerald IV and Krissy Chambers. If they could make them promise not to kill any of the other guests, they could trust them to keep their word. Dean even suggested asking Garth to officiate, since Bobby wasn't big on public speaking, and Garth would be sure to keep everyone entertained. The only other humans they decided to invite were Charlie Bradbury, Jody Mills, and the Trans, Linda and Kevin. They argued for a few minutes about whether or not it was safe to invite Samandriel, but in the end they agreed to put him on the guest list. They decided to skip the traditional newspaper announcement.

Dean was in charge of tracking down all of their guests, to give them their invitations. Gabriel would be helping him, and offering his angelic transportation services to the guests. Cas volunteered to make the invitations, claiming that calligraphy was one of his strong suits. Dean helped him come up with the post script: 'By accepting this invitation, you are agreeing to abide by the rules. Whilst on the property of Bobby Singer, there will be no insults, stabbings, threats, weapons, exorcisms, sigils, incantations, or assaults, and absolutely no killing whatsoever. All weapons and grudges are to be left at the door. Any guest who breaks these rules will be forcefully evicted.'

Sam volunteered to supervise Gabriel, and act as taste-tester for the catering, which everyone agreed was an excellent idea. Nobody could keep the archangel in line better than Sam could. He was also in charge of choosing the music, and helping Dean clean up Bobby's yard. Picking a date was a little tricky. They had to give their guests at least _some_ notice, even if the majority of their guests had very flexible schedules. Some of them, like Amy and Benny, might need to make special arrangements for their own catering. Others, like Krissy, might need travel-time. They couldn't wait too long though, and risk their guests noticing Castiel's condition. In the end, they decided on five weeks. It would be a June wedding.

~X~

Sam and Dean came back from town the next day, with matching grins, as well as matching jewellery boxes in their pockets. Sure, it would've been much cheaper to just get the angels to mojo some rings, but there were still some things which were just best done the old-fashioned way. It wasn't easy for Dean to hide the purchase from Cas, their bond was still new and raw, and he was still figuring out how to control it. Cas was good about honouring his requests for privacy though, and didn't stray from his side of the connection uninvited. The angel might have been upset, but he could sense Dean's excitement and happiness spilling through, and that was more than enough to placate him.

The only time Cas disregarded this unspoken rule was a week later. They were all eating dinner when the angel quietly gasped, and then Dean felt himself being eagerly pulled through their bond, and directed to wait for it… Dean was a little bewildered, but he knew Cas wouldn't have done this without a good reason, so he patiently did as the angel had asked. He wasn't sure what it was, the first time he felt it. It was so subtle; he could almost believe that he'd imagined it. Then he felt it again. It was a tiny flutter, like there was a moth trapped inside Cas. The angel had felt their baby move for the first time, and now he was sharing the experience with Dean.

The Hunter had never been gladder that he'd chosen to make the bond with Cas. He would have done it for that experience alone. When Dean's mind returned to his body, and his focus returned to the room around him, he was staring at Cas, and there were tears streaming down his face. He didn't even care. He couldn't stop grinning, and crying. His chest felt like it could burst at any second, and Castiel's giddy awe was washing over him in warm, velvety waves. It was a perfect moment. The other three men in the room were staring at him, confused and shocked, but all he saw was Cas. Thank God for not needing words, he was terrible at using them. Instead, he just shared his love, gratitude, and joy through their bond.

**~X~**

**AN: Ehehehe, so clearly Sam totally forgot about the supernaturally good hearing of celestial beings. :-D Please review! I need no other rewards for nommy bonding smut! Even just a couple of words, they always brighten my day! ^_^**


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